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Christmas triggers

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by AvantGarde » Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:54 pm

Now, I'm doing farely well, don't worry about me. Was talking to tdoc yesterday about my Christmas triggers, they're basically wine, whiskey and PTSD. lol :?

I haven't drank since March and want to keep at it. This is not the longest I've been without drinking, so I really want to succeed. It's really hard, around Christmas there are all these parties, alcoholic gifts, alcohol everywhere, my mom even decided only to buy good wine this year for some reason, which sucks because I want to taste it. So this year I made a promise to myself of keeping the alcohol away, it's only day 7 and it sucks. :? Tdoc works a lot with folks with substance abuse and will help me deal for sure, I always feel lost this season.

And PTSD it's all about dem family pretending to like each other. :? I hate hypocrisy and I can't be fake, so not even sure how I'm going to react this year.

Do you have Christmas triggers?
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:11 pm

Yes. Getting together with 100 members of my extended family the week before Christmas, most of whom are still in the cult I left as a young adult and all of whom are upset that I’m not religious anymore.
Otherwise, I love Christmas Day. I love the joy on my kids faces.

Well done on being sober so long. Christmas must surely be a difficult time for you.
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:22 pm

Another Christmas trigger- buying a present for my sister who lost her husband 4 years ago. He was one of our best friends and life has never been quite the same without him. (Bowel cancer aged 34)
My sister will only get a present if people like me remember her so I always buy her something extra special. Miss him so much.
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by AvantGarde » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:35 pm

That's all very hard.. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas.

What do you do when you feel those triggers?
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:43 pm

With the family Christmas do I say fuck em before I go. Have a good eat and drink then go home knowing I won’t have to see them all for another year. I always feel super nervous beforehand of course but it’s never as bad as I think it will be.

I always spend waaayyy too much money on my sister for Christmas but it feels like I’ve got to do something. I feel like I’m making up for not being a good enough support during the year. Not that a present can really do that. But in reality it’s cause I miss him and life’s never really been the same without him. A new normal I suppose.

I then have a few drinks to drown my sorrow. Sleep for too long then get up and face a new day.
Poor coping mechanisms.
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by AvantGarde » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:45 pm

Maybe something to take to your next tdoc appt? New coping skills to handle the holidays?

My last tdoc wasn't helpful at all.. This one has been.
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by Nigeo6564 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:47 am

Hi AvantGarde,

Reading your trigger of booze during the Christmas time, it made me think of an article that I read a couple of weeks ago on the internet regarding BP and addictions. In the article it talked about how BP people are very prone to give in to addictions during festive times because they feel they want to fit in and be part (even though on the inside you are either screaming to get away, or dying to fit into the normal people circle.)
Since May this year I gave up smoking, and after successfully doing so for 5 months I started smoking again....

I could not understand why I did that and kind of felt like disappointing myself, until I found that article and it explained that people with BP have less success with giving up on addictions. After reading this I accepted that maybe it is the BP that is not helping my problem...
I am still smoking and this week I realised that it is not the BP, it is my own decision....you either stick it out of you give up! With that I realised that for all the months I stopped smoking there was maybe 1 or 2 days that I did not wanted to smoke, the rest of the 5 months was me wishing I could smoke...

I guess the point I am trying to bring across is, if you want to stop drinking for good...and I mean never touch a drink again, your mind must be in line with your decision...there is no point in wanting it every day if you say you stopped....
I think it was my own fault and I should have never thought of the idea that maybe one day I will smoke again, after a baby or whatever the case might be....

I suppose secretly I was hoping that if I stop smoking I would fall pregnant, but the truth was I did it for the wrong reason...my reason should have been that I want to stop smoking to better my health and keep it that way.....

Wanting a baby so much after 13 years has made me I think sometimes sick....and sometimes I would do the craziest shit just to try and fall pregnant... maybe one day...I am hoping...

I don't know if you understand what I am trying to explain....

If I look at the advise you have given me before, that I am very thankful for, you are a very strong person and you have the ability to say no....I imagine you as the type to say no, and mean it...not cowardly like me wish for it every day until that day that I give in and smoke again....

I wish you the best and hope that this festive season will be different for you...

:) :)
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by AvantGarde » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:04 am

Thanks Nigeo :) I can say no, I believe in it too.. It's hard but it's possible. Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence.

I don't like to think BP makes me weaker, I'm glad you realized that about being our own strenght to say no, because I honestly don't think BP makes anyone anything, it's just a mood disorder, we can become more inflated or deflated lol I don't like to justify everything on the disorder, irks me. Always seems like an excuse, but well, to each their own I suppose.

Now, about smoking. I've quit a bunch of times, always went back. Not the same with drugs, but I'm sensing a pattern with booze. Will discuss it with tdoc. Thanks again :)
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by Nigeo6564 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:12 am

You can do it! You are strong enough, you are enough! Just believe in yourself and your inner strength! I believe in you! :D
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by AvantGarde » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:42 am

:D Thanks again
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by Spm24 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:14 pm

Good job on the abstinence of alcohol for as long as you have.

Triggers.

In laws. Having them over.
My sister and her family. Obnoxious.
Overspending. Tightwad.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Synny » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:01 am

The triggers i have is my boyfriend being drunk. He drinks everyday and on most days he comes home from his dad's drunk off his ass. I hated holidays, especially Christmas because he would be drunk and i'd be sitting her alone. Hell last year I sat alone on our anniversary which is the day after Christmas. This year is going to be different. The kids and I are going to my parents house and staying the night where we will be having snacks hot coco and watching movies. In the morning we will be opening presents which will be a first for my kids but i think it will be fun!!

I'm so happy you have stopped drinking. If you need a support coach I'm right here and I'll help you out. :) Big hugs to you!!
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by AvantGarde » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:17 am

Don't stay with a guy that treats you like shit :? Sorry for being so upfront... but I stayed with a guy that treated me like shit. Nowadays I don't really hold back in telling people to value themselves.
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by Synny » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:21 am

Oh yeah, there's more to it but yeah, I've been with the guy almost 16 years and i'm at my breaking point.. I think because it's the fact i don't want to be alone. My best friend told me, would you rather be with him and be miserable or be alone and finally happy? it's a mess of a situation for me. I do try to stay positive for my kids.. i have to. They deserve so much better.
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by AvantGarde » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:31 am

That's a long time.. it must be really tough to let go when it's been so long. I don't know, maybe it's easier. You already know you can't change him, most of us kinda left wondering (though we know we would neveeer) :lol:
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by Synny » Sat Dec 09, 2017 2:00 am

yeah it's going to be difficult when it happens, but it's for the best..
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by Jac68 » Sat Dec 09, 2017 4:46 am

Christmas & I have a love/hate relationship.

I try so hard to be positive. I was just going through a melt down & saw tdoc.

She said part of the problem is I feel like I'm feeling that I'm not good enough for my in laws, about spending money (money is always a trigger), and finally my crappy childhood.

I'm a little better, klonopin is helping. Can't wait for it to be over.
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