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Can't focus on work

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by Duckysmom » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:21 am

Had a rough tdoc appt yesterday. Working from home today. Can't focus. Weird thing is, we started out talking about my deceased sister and moved on to my living sister for some reason. I have virtually no relationship with her. It's always been that way. She's always been very distant and cold, except for a couple of years about 25 years ago when we would hang out sometimes.

We see each other occasionally at family events, like my mom's birthday party and her son's hs graduation which was also my daughter's hs graduation. It's very uncomfortable, though not hostile. But I feel a lot of hostility toward her for "abandoning" me, apparently. I didn't know that until yesterday when the anger started pouring out of me.

Now all I can think about is calling her and telling her off, for being such a bad big sister. But I'm supposed to write her a letter instead and I just want to get to it. Fuck work. But I can't. I have to work.

This so sucks! And I'm whining again.

I have been a bit absent from here due to RL and exhaustion and dealing with my own crap. I apologize for all the posts I didnt respond to even though I wanted to. Often, my head filled with all my own crap, I couldn't think of anything to say.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:26 am

Ah, it's all good. We all need a break from time to time :)

Maybe multitask, or doubletask... have a piece of paper next to you, keep thinking about it at the same time you work and write down some bullet points during the day. Then when you get home, just need to piece it together, helps to keep you calm while writing it and still focus on the job in front of you. Maybe.
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by Pancake » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:29 am

Ducky no need to apologise. You're not whining. We ALL have too much going on inside out brains occasionally, often even for no reason at all, and have to take a step back. Look after you first.

Therapy is hard work too. Sounds like you got a little blindsided this week.

*Makes tea*
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by Spm24 » Tue Sep 19, 2017 6:15 am

Never apologize for being absent. We all need time away from here. Our minds can't handle everything that's thrown at it all the time.

Hopefully you can get your work and your paper done today.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by hal » Tue Sep 19, 2017 6:24 am

Ducky, I'm glad you're here when you are here. You always have so much to contribute, whether it's about you or someone else. Much of the value of this place is learning about the experience of others. :)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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by Mocha » Tue Sep 19, 2017 4:54 pm

Good lord, girl.....you owe us no apologies for not being around much lately. We all know what you've been going through. Heavy duty stuff, yanno? When you feel like posting, post away.....when you don't don't...... :) .......We're always here for you.......

And you can whine all you need to........ :) That's what we're here for......

Love you, Ducky.....sending *air hugs* your way.....HUGE ONES!!!

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by Duckysmom » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:11 am

I could start a new post, but this is the same thing. I haven't done my therapy homework yet and all I've found is that I wasn't much good at work the rest of the week.

Now it's the weekend and Bill is out of town and guess who is stick with the care of the ungrateful, 89 year old child in the house? I'm so mad at Bill, I could spit! And I'm not a spitter. Leaving me here in this shape alone with her. I thought we had turned a corner in our relationsip, but she just turned back into a spoiled bitch.

I'm planning on spending a lot of time upstairs away from her if I can help it.

Just bitching. Hope you don't mind.
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by Spm24 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:27 am

Can tell by your post that she is being a pain in the ass again. It has to be overwhelming to have to deal with her and deal with your feelings at the moment..

Maybe if your staying upstairs you can get your homework done.

We never mind bitching... Do it as much as needed...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:44 am

Oh, just when you thought that "you're being such an auntie" was going to be a good thing. Seclude yourself, use an invisibility cloak ;) Sorry, not helpful, hope the weekend passes quickly for you.

Bitch all you like :)
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by Mocha » Mon Sep 25, 2017 5:01 pm


Sorry I'm just now seeing your post, Ducky......Bitch away girl.......it's good for the soul......

What an old bitch..... :evil: ......Go and ahead and spit if it makes you feel better.....I used to be a spitter, it can be very satisfying........you just do it in their general direction (or Bill's when he gets home)........ it will def get their attention. :twisted:

I thought Bill had arranged for a caregiver for when he was gone? What happened with that? Looks like he's going to have to threaten her with the old folks home again.......and if she keeps this up, doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

Btw.......she's not sneaking people food to your pup again, is she? I wouldn't put it past her.....

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by Duckysmom » Mon Sep 25, 2017 5:28 pm

This weekend, Bill will be out of town again overnight. BUT I will be with my grandson all day on Saturday AND having lunch with my estranged sister on Sunday - a long lunch!

And the old bitch gets a caregiver! HA! She is not a happy camper, already pouting. Bill said, and I quote, "Fuck her." When he found out how she treated me, he laid into her about respect and appreciation. And he has set up caregivers for other weekends he will be away for even a day. He said there are nice little homes she can move to if she doesn't like it.
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by Spm24 » Mon Sep 25, 2017 5:37 pm

Will be nice that you will not need to worry about auntie.

Should be a fun day Saturday for you having your grandson all day. Seeing your sister has to have you a little nervous. Since it has been a while since you have done so. But I am sure it will be a good release for you...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Pancake » Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:00 pm

Vent away Ducky.

Grief chokes my brain too, makes it so hard to focus. I hope your lunch with your sister goes well.
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