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Anxiety about therapy

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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:20 am

Woke up really nervous today, took a quarter of diazepam at 9am which is very unusual for me. Didn't even have time for coffee to take effect.

Anyway, don't know how to approach my situation with new therapist, having a blank about what to ask her and if she feels she can't take the load of my case I will really have a hard time finding another with such a degree of specializations in the areas I need.

I've been dissociating like crazy lately, since trauma therapy started, especially at work or during conversations, previous tdoc dismissed it completely even said it was a good thing :roll: So now I'm kind of afraid she will dismiss it as well. Rationally I don't think that, because I already asked her about it, she seemed to make a note that it was pretty important, but anxiety is anything but rational. Feel a bit calmer now, but not nearly enough, might take another quarter and then take a nap or something.. She specialized in dissociative disorders for her masters, so I guess I'm safe there.

:|
I really think all this anxiety is the result of the build up of stressors in my life and the recent tapering of benzos. Before trauma therapy started I was taking them as SOS and I was fine, but since then I've been popping them and building tolerance. It's shit and really what I didn't want to happen.

I might call my GP tomorrow for an emergency appt to ask for benzos, she doesn't like it but she trusts me.
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by Pancake » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:29 am

I just went back through 3 pages of your posts and can't see when your new tdoc appointment is :roll:

So... how long to go?
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:31 am

:lol: :lol: Sorry about me posting so much, it's my distraction.

Next wednesday.

She's also a trauma therapist, hopefully a good one.
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by Jemane » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:34 am

I'm sure having a gap in time between therapists isn't helping your anxiety. It's completely understable this anxiety about whether the tdoc will be a good fit given what happened with the last one.
This is horrible but temporary. Reasonable to use benzos temporarily given the circumstances.
Glad your GP is understanding.
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by Pancake » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:39 am

That's a week and a half still to go!

You wrote a post earlier about what you were going to say, but I can't find it...
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:44 am

My issue with benzos is my fear of addiction, given my history of addiction. Thought I had it under control but had the epiphany that maybe I don't anymore, don't know.

But yes, you're right, anxiety is natural given the cirscunstances. :)

Nah, Pan, 3 days from now :) Sorry if my English is weird today, I might be a bit hypo too can't really tell right now. Just browsed over my charts of moods from these past few months and it's insane how much I've been cycling. Haven't had a pdoc appt since July, all of this contributes to my anxiety.

I know what to ask about trauma therapy, I have a list of questions that I took off another site. I gave the gist of it to Jemane yesterday or two days ago I think. I will read it again. (Jemane, if you want it I can give it to you.)
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by Pancake » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:45 am

Oh right. Well, that makes more sense for the anxiety to be kicking in.

viewtopic.php?f=12&t=3856&p=34551&hilit=+Load#p34551
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:48 am

Thanks Pan. Was much calmer that day :lol:
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:11 am

AG yes it is anxious for you. But you have hung in there and dealt with it all admirably. It is never easy seeing a new doc of any sorts. I think from what you said about this new tdoc that she is a competent one. One who can handle the types of therapy that you need to deal with your issues... Only a few more days...
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:14 am

Thanks Shawn :) I'm much calmer now, all benzo'd up.

Yes, I beleive she is competent. Thanks for reminding me.

I think that what triggered the anxiety spike was thinking about all the consequences of the last therapy, went on a spiral from there. I'm good now :)
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:18 am

That's good.. I take it benzo is a Wonder drug when it comes to anxiety... Seriously from what you all say it works good as long as you don't over take them..
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:21 am

It is pretty efficient. That's one of the reasons why it used to be so prescribed and why there are so many people addicted to it. :lol:
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:40 am

Is that why your coming off of them. Because of the addictive nature of them. Or something all together different....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:46 am

Sort of. On one hand yes, I have history of substance abuse so I shouldn't have gotten them prescribed to me altogether, but well. On the other hand, I like myself better 'sober' so to speak, without the heavy on the eyelids thing of benzos.
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:54 am

Sort of a twin reason to kick them to the curb. I understand the reasoning behind it. Being addicted to anything is the pits. Just like the drugged feeling. Neither of them are things I would like to be dealing with....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:59 am

:) I do like the benzo high.. I just prefer myself sober, so to speak. But I don't think half a benzo every two days is addiction though, even though it gives me that small high.

Sometimes, earlier when I quit drugs and was first prescribed benzos I used to take one and collapse on the couch watching cartoons sometimes. Then I stopped that.

It's been SOS since then, well, until a few months ago.
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:15 am

That is understandable with all that you have endured the last few months. Smart of you to want to get off of them..
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:25 am

Docs really don't like to prescribe them over here, there was a huge surge of benzos and antidepressants a few years back, so now they're cutting back. They still prescribe antidepressants like crazy though.
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:28 am

Of course they will... The go to drugs that cure all :lol: .... except in many cases they work toward a bad result
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:39 am

Yeah they do.. Anxiety and depression are the mental illnesses of the century.
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by Spm24 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 9:50 am

Unfortunately as we know depression a lot of times leads to it being misdiagnosed. Think they need a different way at assessing if it is depression or if it is something else.. certain questions to ask to find out if it is just depression. Not just what your feeling at the moment but what has been leading up to that period...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by hal » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:04 am

I don't know why they would minimize dissociation. :?:
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by Pancake » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:16 am

AvantGarde wrote:Yeah they do.. Anxiety and depression are the mental illnesses of the century.

Diagnosis by checklist :evil:
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:23 am

It's tough to diagnose, in our cases we don't see manias and hypomanias as a problem so we don't report them. Thourough docs will probably take that into consideration, but most docs aren't thourough :?

I don't know hal, when I told him in the email his reply was that we disagreed :roll:
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by Mocha » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:29 am

Hey girlie.......sorry about the shit morning you've had.

I wish I could say something really great so you would stop fretting so much about your appt with new tdoc. I do remember what you said about your phone call with her. How well it went, how she took time to talk to you and all that.

If I can find that post of your's, I'll come back with the link...... :)

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