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Working myself up

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by Duckysmom » Sat Sep 02, 2017 3:48 am

I'm babysitting my grandson today and he is very excited about going to the dinosaur expo at the county fairgrounds. Can't let my favorite boy down, but the anxiety is already creeping up. Lots of worries about crowds and so many excited kids. What ifs running through my head. What if I have a panic attack? What if I get lost? What if HE gets lost? What if they won't let us in? Actually had a nightmare last night that they confiscated my benzo that I plan to take with (just in case).

I've been to the fairgrounds before, last time 5 years ago, but never by myself with responsibility for an almost 5 year old.

Trying to shake off the nerves and really PISSED OFF that my BP1 and PTSD have such a constricting hold on my life! I'm NOT letting this boy down! I still have guilt over all the times I ket my daughter down when she was young. Shouldn't I be better now that I'm on meds and pretty stable?

Shower, here I come. Dinosaurs here I come. I will get through this. I can do this. A bit of luck wouldn't hurt.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
Bruce Lee
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by Stuckles » Sat Sep 02, 2017 7:34 am

Aww, I'm sure you and your grandson will have a fantastic time! Try to think about the fun you and him will have.

Good luck and have fun!!

Erm, or should I make that I hope you had fun :oops: Dang it, I need to sort out this routine of mine my day is all upside down again :lol:
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by hal » Sat Sep 02, 2017 8:00 am

Courage! You have it, Ducky. Have fun, I know your grandson will. 8-)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by Duckysmom » Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:35 pm

Bp1 and PTSD, take that! I did it! No panic attack, no confiscated benzo, no one got lost. We had a great time! Now I need a nap.

Feeling very proud of myself for getting through. It was loud and crowded and a bit crazy, though very well organized.

I worked myself up so badly this morning, but one look at that excited boy's face made it soooo worth facing my fears.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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by Stuckles » Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:51 pm

Way to go! I'm glad things went so well, you have every right to be proud of your self :D
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by Pancake » Sat Sep 02, 2017 1:46 pm

Go you (:
Totally sane mermaid-siren of Vegemiteland
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by Caroline » Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:51 pm

You rock. Proud of yourself I hope.
I am me. Voices in my head, quiet down.
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