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they think i'm getting better (TW - SH)

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by milk » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:25 am

i don't know if i can explain this right. i'm pretty functional right now. i take my meds, see my friends, eat, shower. i guess this is supposed to mean i'm getting better, right? it doesn't feel like it though. something is wrong, i can feel it. they don't know this but i have been self harming. it's the only way i can really feel something, really feel it. i think it might be my meds that are making me feel so numb. i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he thinks its a good thing. "maybe you were happier than normal," he said. well i miss being happier than normal, it felt good. i know that with the highs come the lows and i'm happy that i don't suffer them as bad as i used to, but now i don't even feel low- i just feel numb. i'm 16 years old, i shouldn't be feeling like this. i should be normal. i wish i was just normal.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:41 am

Hey milk, I'm sorry you're hurting. There are coping mechanisms for avoiding self harm, rubber bands for example. You can snap them when you feel an urge.

Having a mental illness is tough, but manageable if you're willing to go the extra mile to get better.

I forget if you have a tdoc, if not it should be your next step.

And you are normal, all of this is perfectly natural, don't let others fool you into not believing that.

Don't harm yourself, please. We care about your wellbeing.
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by Spm24 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:05 pm

It sucks when you can't feel anything. For some starting meds cause a numbness. At one point it did for me. Mine went away with a med change. So you should talk to your pdoc about this. Be totally honest with them. It is the only way they can help us. Is if we open up to them.

As AG said their are coping techniques that you can use. I am not sure what they are, but maybe someone else will be able to share what helps them...If you have a tdoc they can help you with coping techniques. If you don't have one you should look into getting one...
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by milk » Wed Aug 16, 2017 11:04 am

wow thank you so much for the replies. i do have a tdoc and am seeing her today. i just don't know what to do because i'm up right now and so scared to go back down. i can feel it coming. what do you do when you can feel yourself coming down?
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by AvantGarde » Wed Aug 16, 2017 11:46 am

I've been asking my pdoc for a med tweak, and talk to my tdoc about my worries. And vent it all out, it's not good to bottle stuff in.
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