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Great Tdoc Appt

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by Duckysmom » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:38 am

I saw my tdoc yesterday and I'm working from home today. It was a great appointment. A lot of discussion about my issues with my feelings about my mom. Then coping strategies. Several points she brought up.

1) Stop listening to my PTSD meditation every day/night. Preferrably day and not before sleep as it may be causing the nightmares. The meditation is to set aside and relieve the stress of PTSD but it could be stirring things up in my subconscious that are playing havoc in my sleep. So every other day, focus on one thing (not everything at once) and give myself time between meditation and bedtime. Use my sleep meitation at bedtime.

2) Talk to Bill about my conflicting feelings about my mom and why I have them. I did and he learned a lot he didn't know because I didn't want him to see my mom in a bad light. His response, "She screwed up. She came from an abusive and neglectful upbringing. It was what she knew. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have those feelings. You chose a different path in raising your daughter. So talk to me when you have those feelings. I love your mom. That won't change. She's not the woman she was when you were growing up in a lot of ways. Other ways . . . Still in denial. Only she can change that and none of us think she will."

3) Code word for Bill to say when I get irritable or angry over stupid shit. Just a word that will help me take a step back and figure out if I am letting the anger from the past bubble up or if I am truly angry about something in RL. Apparently, I have been snapping at him and not realizing it until he points it out. And he doesn't have to say, "What are you really mad at?" which just creates a further arguement because I get defensive. Hence, the code word said calmly. He chose the word Pink. Not as harsh as Red, he said, but enough to let me know I'm in the "red zone". After he says it, I decide where my head is at and can respond accordingly, excuse myself to think it through, journal if that helps, go paint, take the dog for a walk, exercise, whatever I need to do. Or I can say, "No, I'm really upset about this." And we can talk it out.

4) Get out of the house. Sit outside, take the dog for a walk, meet with the new friends I've made or the ones I already have for coffee. Stop isolating so much because that just gives my head more opportunity to ruminate and bring forth the anger and bad memories. Distraction is the key. And she said, "Not an easy task, but just do it."

5) Next appointment, one week off from trauma therapy. Give me a break and discuss current issues or my pdoc appt that comes before my next appt with her. Discuss more coping strategies. No homework this week other than the above.

6) Paint the damn powder room. I keep having flashbacks in there. Whoever lived here last painted it a super dark color and it's a very small room that makes me feel trapped. The other bathroom is all the way upstairs and I feel like an idiot having to make the trip upstairs to avoid flashbacks (there is a story behind that but I don't want to go into it). So Bill said we're going to pick a light airy color that's soothing, which will not only make the room look bigger but give me a sense of peace so I can stop running upstairs and feel better about using the powder room instead. He's going to paint. But suggested if I help I might feel even better about it. I know it sounds stupid to not be able to use the powder room, but it really is an issue for me. He also said we are going to add some decor (like a mirror over the sink, some pictures on the walls, maybe some motivational things, whatever). The room is currently dark and bleak and just functional. He wondered why I kept avoiding it and running upstairs until I told him last night.

So this is a long post, but I'm actually feeling very positive about this now. Some concrete coping skills, changes that will help me deal with this better, and a lot of things shared with Bill that gives him more understanding. And he wants to listen to my PTSD guided meditation to understand and hear what I'm hearing. He thinks it will help him understand PTSD better. And he's doing research on his own.

I hope I haven't bored anyone. Actually, I hope I have given other's some ideas or stirred up their own creativity in getting through the rough times.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
Bruce Lee
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by Spm24 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:44 am

A very productive session. Got to love when you come out of therapy feeling better then you did going it. Keep up the good work..

I like dark rooms. But not small dark rooms...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:50 am

That's great Ducky :) keep it up!
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

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by hal » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:53 am

What a great plan, and so eloquently presented. I admire the orderliness of your mind. Ducky. Hugs!
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by Mocha » Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:20 pm

you're right, Ducky.......great session....and a great post.... :)

To be honest, I've been able to work on some of my own stuff from the past because of you and AG......Thanks.....
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The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

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by Duckysmom » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:55 am

Mocha, that makes me feel good to hear that AG and I have been an inspiration for you to do some work for yourself. Makes my whining, crying and bitching here worth it.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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by AvantGarde » Wed Aug 09, 2017 9:01 am

Mocha wrote:
To be honest, I've been able to work on some of my own stuff from the past because of you and AG......Thanks.....


Awesome Mocha! It's horrible to be honest, as you know, but worth it :D Just laying it out in the open
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by Jemane » Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:09 pm

Great work, ducky! Glad to hear you got so much out of your session.
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by rebelangel » Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:33 am

I love that you have such a well thought out plan. That's so great.
All alone, or in twos
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall
Some hand in hand
Some gathering together in bands
The bleeding hearts and the artists
Make their stand
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall after all it's not easy
banging your heart against some mad buggers wall
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