Bipolar Support Forums To Share and Support One Another

Loss of Friendships

Have you been a victim? Or have you contributed to your own stigma?

by Ilana » Tue Jun 06, 2017 8:43 pm

Hello BPS friends,

I'm not sure if this is the right spot to post this but I feel this situation has links to stigma. If there is a better spot please let me know, I'm a newbie.

I recently had an episode that destroyed a friendship with a couple that I had valued for the past 12 years or so. In a wild mania that was fueled even higher with marijuana and alcohol abuse, I called the police on my male friend citing possible domestic abuse. In the moment I was convinced that my female friend was in danger and I had to do something about it. Nothing happened with the police because well... nothing was happening. Despite my efforts to apologize, they have cut the ties forever. They have known of my condition for the length of our friendship but I have never gone as high as I did in this last episode (it began in December and lasted until April.) In response to my apology, the male friend wrote me an email letter calling me fu*&ing crazy, disgusting and said the last 12 years have been a drain on them. It was harsh. After the mania subsided I went to the police and retracted the incident but they are adamant about not being friends with me. Upon reflection, I realize I don't want to be friends with someone who thinks so little of me, however, this situation has rocked me nonetheless and I'm having a difficult time finding my self-esteem and confidence again. The loss of the relationship and the words in his letter loom in the corners of my mind always ready to meet me. I am stepping into the acceptance phase but it is tough.

Has anyone here ever experienced the loss of a friendship(s) because of a manic episode? How did you deal/heal from it?

Thank you for reading. It is helpful to share.

Ilana
Ilana
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 4:05 pm

by AvantGarde » Tue Jun 06, 2017 10:23 pm

Hi llana. You're right, you really don't want to be friends with someone who calls you fucking crazy and disgusting, those are two things that nobody with a mental illness should hear. Keep that in mind and with time things will become easier.

I lost a lot of friends to my mania, and was guilted a lot for doing crazy things, still happens sometimes when I let people from my past enter my life.

I don't think I deal very well with it emotionally, but I try. My tdoc has been most helpful in this area.

It will always hurt when someone intentionally hurts us, and that takes a while to heal, anger will be there, pain will be there, and it's perfectly normal. Give yourself time to heal from it.

It wasn't your fault that you did that, it wasn't your fault that you lost the relationships.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5589
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Jemane » Wed Jun 07, 2017 12:12 am

That is so tough. Doesn't sound like they are worth being friends with anyway. A loss of friends is always very difficult.
I have mainly list friends because I came out as an atheist rather than because of my bipolar, but I know what it's like to lose friends.
It certainly knocks the confidence and self esteem doesn't it.
Have you got any other close friends you can talk to about it?
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Jemane
 
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2016 2:25 am

by Duckysmom » Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:21 am

I have lost friends because of both my full blown mania (I rage at the smallest thing - imaginary or real) and my deep depressions (not wanting to do anything, turning down every invitation, just generally not being any fun to be around). I've lost friends because they seemed to think they know what I should do more than my pdoc and tdoc (more than one suggested I pray my BP away). It's never easy to lose friends because of this illness. I have very few now and I don't see them much. Text and FB mostly.

Hugs to you. I'm sorry you lost such an important friendship in your life. You will get through this. (So easy to say, but so hard to do.) And I agree that anyone who calls you names like that doesn't deserve your friendship.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
Bruce Lee
User avatar
Duckysmom
 
Posts: 1236
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2016 8:52 am

by Spm24 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 11:54 am

Ilana,

It is hard enough to deal with ourselves calling us names when and if it happens for you. But regardless like others have said they are not worth having in your life if they use derogatory remarks. It is always tough to lose friends. But look at it in the light that your better off...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
Moderator
 
Posts: 3090
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by Ilana » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:17 pm

Hello again,

Thank you for your responses, it helps!

Ilana
Ilana
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 4:05 pm

by Blake's Poisontree » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:16 pm

I myself have lost friends because of my BP, it hurts. But I remember the ones that stayed in spite of my 'crazy' behaviour, they are true friends and will be friends forever. As for the rest, fuck 'em.
I don't have a God complex, God is not this complex.
Blake's Poisontree
 
Posts: 85
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 1:29 pm
Location: New Zealand


Return to Stigma