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Newly diagnosed bipolar 2

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by Mom2dani » Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:26 am

Hi there,
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 Thursday 8/31. I started seeing a therapist because i recently separated from husband of 17 years. He left because all the things I've done in the past 2 years. Spent money recklessly, binge drinking, loss of intimacy, irritable etc you get the picture. Had a melt done bad enough for me to ask my sister to go to the ER. I wasn't going to hurt myself but was at the point where I wanted to hurt (car accident, heart attack, I just didn't care). Wasn't admitted into a psych hospital but had to see a psychiatrist later that day where she started me on meds and gave me the diagnosis.

I'm now on Lamotrigine 50mg first 5 days then go to 100mg
And Hydoxyzine. I know it takes time to go into effect but I can seem to get out of this depressive state. Crying all the time, and that is when the feelings of just not wanting to be here kick in. When will I feel better? When will this hopelessness go a way?

I am thankful to find an active online support group. I've just emailed for info on a support group in my area but I have this feeling. I did up to the 100mg last night, what's a couple of days early.

Anyway, hi!
"Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken"
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by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:55 am

Hi and welcome. :)

The bad stuff does get better with time, it's episodical, gets better, gets worse, gets stable, gets better, gets worse, gets stable. :? Sorry, not the best news ever. But we can and do have long periods of stability in between if we stay on our meds and go to therapy consistently.

I know it's still early, but do consider going to therapy, it helps a lot. :)

Welcome again.
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by Mom2dani » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:01 am

Forgot to add am also on Effexor 75mg twice a day

My pdoc said we will decrease that dose in 2 weeks which is when I will see her again. I see my therapist once a week. I've tried to explain to my husband that I feel this is something that has been with me for years, but escalated once we moved from my home town to his. I made his his friends my friends and never truly spent time with my own friends. I've worked in the same field / medical for 15 years and love my job. Recently went back after 3 weeks of fmla. I can make it through the majority of my shift, it's the end that I start crying, I've gone to our chapel at the hospital to hide.

I tired of crying at the loss of my marriage, we are selling our house to pay off the bills (we both contributed to our my financial situation, me just more with spending on stupid shit). I haven't had a drink since 08/08/17 and at times desperately want one, but pull through. I'm probably going to the craft store, start crocheting again. But for now, I just sit at my pity party being the star of the show, wish I had seeks help sooner, wish my husband suggested help sooner.
Ugh
"Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken"
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by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:29 am

You can have hopes for a beautiful future if you can continue to accept your diagnosis and allow therapist and meds to help keep you stable. My daughter is 30 and was diagnosed at 12 but has never accepted her diagnosis or allowed herself to be treated for it. That is the worst. Take care of yourself and know that this diagnosis is a good thing and with a little help, you can put your life back in order.
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by Mom2dani » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:23 am

Thank you both for your replies. When the pdoc gave me the diagnosis I was excited and hopeful. Then boom, sadness again because of my marriage, the things I've done during our marriage, etc. I have hope that I will be able to live with this. I'm incredibly impatient so I know that contributes to my mood swings. I just want them to stop. I've been journaling my moods, when I feel good, when I'm at my lowest and will share with my tdoc this Friday. She and I will start the hard work this week, giving my coping skills, help me process my feelings. I have hope things will be better, I gave my husband a booklet on BP encouraging him to really read and trynthe understand there was reason I did the things I did, we both just had no idea I've been suffering with this for year. Diagnoses as simply depressed and have gone through 6 antidepressants. I was dx'd maybe 7 years ago with BP but this pdoc never talked to me. $250 every 2 weeks just to write a script, I didn't trust his diagnosis because he never truly explained things to me. So I stopped seeing. This new pdoc made me feel so comfortable, explained things, showed compassion. And my tdoc I absolutely adore. So although the journey will be forever, my impatience to start feeling better I think hinders me. This forum will help,yeah!
"Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken"
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by Spm24 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:23 am

Mom2dani,

Welcome to the forum. You will find many caring and supportive people here.

First it is hard when we are first diagnosed. But it is a relief at the same time. Many people have a hard time wrapping our head around what is wrong with us.

Second it was a major step to ask for help. Be glad that you did. It is the first step to getting stable.

Third lamotrigine (Lamictal) has done wonders for me. So hope it does the same for you. It is never a good thing to adjust your meds on your own. They do the fifty for five days then up too a hundred to make sure you do not have adverse reactions to the med. Only adjust your meds like that if your doctor has said you can.

Fourth I cried all the time. I would just be sitting there and cry for no reason. It went on like that for about three months it seemed like it was no stop. Then it became random ttimes here and there. Now it is just to the point of my eyes welling up wanting to cry but not.

Five for everyone it is different. But it will get better. It just takes time. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the correct meds. Many of us are on multiple meds.

Six good for you on not having a drink since the eight of August. It is just like this disorder. One day at a time.

I have had numerous pity parties. So your not in that boat alone... Talk to us that's what we're here for.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by hal » Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:49 pm

Hello there, Mom2dani, and welcome. I'm sorry to read about all the rough times you've been having. But you have come to the right place; this is very supportive community and I'm sure you'll like it!
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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