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self-diagnosed, doctors misdiagnosed me

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by Agnes777 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 2:47 am

Hello, I am new to this forum. I want to learn about bi-polar, as I have this illness. I was treated for anxiety and depression and anti-depresants triggered my mania. I don't have severe mania, eg psychosis so it was dismissed, I never suffered so severily as to be admitted to a hospital. In my case issue is genetic (my mother most probably has it, she has a psychiatric pension but she doesnt want to tell what is the illness she was diagnosed with). Apart from genetic factors, my childhood and adolescence were extremely stressful due to family problems and financial problems cause mainly by my sick mother (until now she denies she is really sick). Why did I come to conclusion that I am suffering from this:
- extreme mood shifts - I can be extremely low (suicidal thoughts) and than I can be extrenely happy - most people who are depressed are just depressed not going up and down all the time
- my episodes of mania or hypomania were triggered in most cases by break-up with partners and by wrongly prescribed SSRS without mood stabilizers
- I often behaved in the past or acted in the past like a completely different person and after this finished I would feel extremely guilty about what have I done, I would think ''was I out of my mind?' I was a;ways blaming this on some sort of nervous breakdown
- usually when I am in a stable relationship I feel stable as well
- I very often confused mania with falling in love
- I I did a lot of very stupid things, which endangered me in some way and I am lucky that no real consequences happened to me after this

I also have compulsive obsessive disorder, neurosis, social anxiety, in the past I had very strony panic attacks in unusual situations causing me work trouble and maybe also PTSD.

I had a couple of months of peace of mind, now I am taking Buspar to treat my anxiety, I feel better but again prescribed by a family doctor, it can trigger mania I guess. I plan to go to psychiatrist next month if my finances allow this, as I also have other health problems and my medical insurare doesnt cover all the costs.

I realized I need help, cause otherwise I will destroy my life.
Because of my reckless behaviour I slept with someone I shouldn;t while I was single, I drank a lot of alcohol on some occassions, smoke cigarettes, had romances at work at whoch thought now I cringe, I was behaving in a loud way and I would feel like I am walking on air, feeling I have some super special powers seeing the future and ... it is all hard to describe. I was never treated for bi-polar. I visited multiple counsellors or doctors, psychiatrists or family doctors, and nobody asked me if sometimes I was feeling ''high'', maniac. I just thought they are right I have a common depression and that this depression is not severe if sometimes I feel better , that I am nearly healthy.

I need to educate myslef, and read about the trgiggers and how to avoid triggers,.
The problem is that once I become maniac I totally lose control, I just become a different person with different approach, acting on emotions, I do not distinguish this phase '' I am manic'' I think I am just me and that's it.

I hope that this forum will be helpful to learn more about this illness and to manage it and control the triggers somehow
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by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:05 am

Hi Agnes, welcome.

Lately pdocs (psychiatrists) are more reluctant in diagnosing BP, it's hard to recognize hypomania and mania most of the time resembles or has psychosis, so it's natural for misdiagnosis of depression or on the other spectrum, schizophrenia, to happen. Most of us were misdiagnosed at some point.

My old pdoc was sure I had schizophrenia or schizoaffective, and didn't recognize my hypomania when I went over to his office to show it to him :lol: I switched pdocs a few months later.

If you can, find a psychiatrist specialized in mood disorders. If not, try to find one who you can have an honest conversation with, that will take your history into account.

As none of us are professionals here we can't really diagnose you of course, we can trust what you tells us though :)

I have to tell you though, this is a discussion I often have with both my pdoc and tdoc (therapist), is how much of my previous behaviour is connected to my moods or to cultural situations, such as higher sexual life, drinking, drugs etc. It may seem out of character, but when we're in our 20's it's all pretty normal to go through those phases of experimentation, even if it seems out of character. For me it wasn't out of character, but we're still not sure of the influence of moods on those behaviours. In the western culture, we like to pathologize everything that doesn't fit the norm, but that isn't always the case, when sometimes it is pathological. Something for you to think about as well.

Read some posts around the forum, see if you click with any of the subjects talked about, don't be afraid to ask questions or revive old threads if they're of interest to you. Make yourself at home :)

Welcome again.
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by Agnes777 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:15 am

thank you very much for your response, I will read here all the information and meet the psychiatrist. Yes, I did not do an extreme thing during my mania so that I would be admitted to a hospital :) but I did things which I regret when I wasn't myself. I was in an abusive relationship and I thought that I would have a nice life with a man, I spent much money on visiting him in his country and once he moved to even other country and got a job there without considering me, I sold some of my belongings as I had debts and moved in to his place. I was convinced I was in love. You are right I need to talk through this with a specialist, now I am in my 30ties. I have those maniac episodes every several years I would say, it is hard to say, I change into a different person than. I will talk about this with a specialist. For sure I had panic attacks, and I have social anxiety issues. I want to be properly diagnosed as I do not want to make any other major life mistakes under influence of emotions.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:26 am

:)

Edit: I read your answer wrong.

Yes, you should talk to a psychiatrist that listens to you and make sure they take your entire history into account.
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by Spm24 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:09 am

Agness777,

Welcome to the forum. You will find many caring and compassionate people here. Who will listen to your worries and give our opinions and experiences.

As you know it is important to be open and honest when you talk to your pdoc when you see them. Tell them everything just as you told us. That way they can properly diagnosis you. Hopefully you can find the help you need...

Buspar helps me with my anxiety....not sure about it causing mania. I never looked it up. But with my other meds it might have helped suppress. If it does do that...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by hal » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:18 am

I'm glad to have you here, Agnes. Welcome. We are an understanding and supportive bunch, and I'm sure you will enjoy it here, and make contributions of your own as well.
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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