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Newly diagnosed Rapid Cycle BP

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by Moodylessa » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:14 pm

Hi there,

My mom has bipolar and was never medicated or helped for it, just oh manic depressive bipolar here's some antidepressants.

My wife of just two years mentioned that something was up with me when she noticed my highs and lows, the mood swings, the mania and depression.

I finally got diagnosed today. Start on lamictal to help. I just feel so much in a daze. How is this going to affect the rest of my life? How do I learn to manage this?

I hate what the mania does to me, the depression is worse. On top of that I am fighting Lupus and feel more depressed and anxious because of that. It's all so overwhelming.

Sigh, thanks for listening.

Lessa.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by hal » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:20 pm

Hi Lessa, and welcome to our community. As you know, the Lamictal dosage needs to be gradually increased, so it may take a while to notice the effect. What mood are you experiencing now? Are you taking any other meds? Do you have a therapist (tdoc) to work with?
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by Jemane » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:22 pm

Welcome to the forum. It's a confusing time being diagnosed. It can take time to get the meds right too. Depression is awful. I'm depressed at the moment too and it sucks big time. It never lasts forever though. That's what I keep telling myself.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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by Moodylessa » Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:37 pm

hal wrote:Hi Lessa, and welcome to our community. As you know, the Lamictal dosage needs to be gradually increased, so it may take a while to notice the effect. What mood are you experiencing now? Are you taking any other meds? Do you have a therapist (tdoc) to work with?


I am starting at 25mg and the goal is 100mg. So nice and slow. I had a nap after taking it and was more cheerful and happy than I had been in weeks. I keep fluctuating between happiness to numbness, or depression.

I am working on getting a therapist, as obviously I'm going to need one, I use grounding techniques from when I was in therapy for my PTSD as well as breathing techniques from going to the pain clinic. I have an app to monitor my moods, but I keep forgetting to use it.

Jemane wrote:Welcome to the forum. It's a confusing time being diagnosed. It can take time to get the meds right too. Depression is awful. I'm depressed at the moment too and it sucks big time. It never lasts forever though. That's what I keep telling myself.


Thank you, yes depression has been in my.life for too long and I have had some very scary times from it. I try to do things I love when I'm really depressed, but due to Lupus and sun sensitivity I can't go outside (it causes me to have horrible rashes), and enjoy the summer sun which has really affected me.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Mon Aug 14, 2017 10:58 pm

Hi and welcome Lessa :)

Good that you're working on getting a therapist, it will help you a lot. Do you know what kind of therapy you'll be doing, what are you searching for? If you need help with that, let us know.

Seems like you have a good handle on things, kudos for that.
A diagnosis is nothing to be afraid of, in time it will actually be a relief, you'll see :)

As for mood tracking, there's a good website if you have a desktop or a laptop, called moodtracker.com. It even sends you alerts for when to take your meds and you can share your charts with your pdoc.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

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by Moodylessa » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:35 pm

I currently only have cell phone internet as we moved closer to family when my wife retired medically from the military. We are staying with them until all her pension, etc comes in. I use emoods on my phone. When I remember, darn you meds making me forgetful!

I haven't the clue what to look for in a tdoc as, frankly, I've always thought I don't need one, I don't want to deal with sharing things, etc, etc. I stopped going for PTSD after a few sessions because it just was....well I dunno I think my brain convinced me I was fine without help?

My wife has BPD and is really hopeful my moods will stablizes, as it's been hard on the marriage. I love this woman beyond words and don't want to lose her.

I'm worried that meds will make me less me. I don't want to lose who I am, simply not rapid cycle so fast my head spins. My mania periods scare me, I throw caution to the wind, and while I've never cheated on my wife I have cheated in the past and then felt like utter cow poo.

Living with my mom in the past who was never medicated I'm scared of becoming the way she was. Volatile, you never knew which person she was, was she so depressed she was wanting to do horrible things to herself, so manic she couldn't care less about me, or somewhat level and almost decent. I don't want that!
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:47 pm

Here's a list of therapies with accurate descriptions: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types - I would certainly advise seeking help for both the mood disorder and the ptsd, as ptsd isn't something that just goes away with cheer will and can have serious consequences on your life. Meds help very little with it too, so we're stuck with therapy.

Sometimes we think (at least I did for a long time) that we're strong to deal with the shit that happened to us, for fear of judgement, bad therapists, lack of validation, etc etc etc... With a good therapist that goes away, although it does take a little time to be able to open up.

I know Mocha has a link to find therapists in your areas, so when she comes online she might pass it along to you.

As with meds, at first they dull a bit, but then with the right dosage they tend to bring out the best in us :) So, I wouldn't worry about that on the long run, and be patient in the beginning of the med go round.

We're not our manic or depressed selves, there's a 'me' in between that's worth it.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by Moodylessa » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:54 pm

Thanks, I'll have a look. Being in Canada makes some resources harder to find. I do know I need help with the PTSD it does not help my insomnia, especially since I relive the traumas in my nightmares.

I'm good at managing my triggers, if I feel like I'm being triggered for the PTSD I'll excuse myself take a breath work on the grounding and generally let my wife know so she can help me.

But the mania and depression? Oh man that's a ride I can't seem to get off of. It's good to know that a bit of dulling happens, but that you bounce back to the normal person you really are in between the highs and lows. That's the person I strive to be. She has dreams, aspirations, drive, and frankly, has a good sense in books. The highs and lows of me are scary, and the worst part is sometimes I don't remember doing something during it.

You have been very supportive, thank you AG :)
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:00 am

No problem at all :) That's what we're here for.

Ah, Canada. Yeah, don't know if Mocha's link has therapists in Canada. We'll see.

I know nightmares. Just woke up from one... They suck.
But you know, I recently started trauma therapy and it helps a lot. We still have BP, of course :lol: But it's easier to know why we're triggered, for next times. Recently I had some suicidal ideation from dealing with heavy trauma, poking the wounds, and then next time I immediately asked for help. Something unheard of in my life :lol: So, baby steps progress :)

I hope you find a good therapist.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:06 am

I have had a SI in a couple of months. Lupus is painful and some days I do beg to have it ended, but only to escape the physical pain. It isn't a real desire to not continue on...if that makes sense?? I am worried that lamictal will make it harder to treat my lupus as methotrexate is used for lupus buy reacts badly with lamictal. Oh man why couldn't my brains not be scrambled?

I'll have a look around and maybe ask my pdoc.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:12 am

If it reacts badly, you should really talk to your pdoc about it. There are plenty of other mood stabilizers out there.

I'm sorry about the Lupus, must suck :?
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:16 am

I saw a quote "I'm so bad ass, the only thing to be able to lick my ass is myself". It's autoimmune and it does suck, but my wife is beyond supportive. Seriously the woman deserves all the gold medals.

I'm going to talk to my pdoc, but I think because there are other meds that can treat lupus as long as I avoid that ONE I should be golden. I don't really want to go on it anyways, lots of bad reviews haha
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:20 am

I'm glad you have a supportive wife beside you, that can make all the difference :)
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:27 am

Thanks, yes it can! Oh silly question my pdoc insisted I get name brand lamictal rather than generic. He said it was "better quality". It wasn't expensive with our med plan but what's the deal?
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:30 am

Oh it depends. Sometimes certain brands use certain substances as fillers, coaters etc. That can hinder the quality of the med.

And never switch from one anticonvulsant to another brand, between brands or between generics. I did that and had a terrible reaction.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:57 am

No I won't it's on my file at my pharmacy to do no substitutions for it. My doctor was very firm about that and wrote it on the script it's self.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Animalover » Tue Aug 29, 2017 1:30 pm

I was diagnosed late last year. I am with you on that. Scary as hell....you start thinking about your life and how will this affect you in the long run...how will you do your day to day activities and so on. I am on oxcarbazepine. A pretty high dose. But that works very well. So does Risperidone. These are the generic brands. But they both do the job. You start to feel more at ease with your life and function much better. No medicine will cure you of bipolar. Let me get that out there. Bipolar will never be curable unfortunately.

But hopefully the medicines I advised to you, you could take into consideration.
Without struggle, there is no strength.
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by JackAsher » Tue Aug 29, 2017 10:56 pm

You wanted to know what this is like, so I'll tell you.

It's going to be very very hard, and you're going to have to work the rest of your life to be responsible with your treatment.

They've put you on a mood stabilizer, which is good. The next med they'll try is an antipsychotic. DO NOT LOOK UP THE SIDE EFFECTS OF A MEDICATION ONLINE. All it will do is scare you. The highest incidences of most of these are around %50, so there's no guarantee that you will have any one of them. These meds will take at least a month to start working the way they're supposed to. Oh, you'll see results right away, but you have to stick with it for two months or more to make sure it's working.

After that, don't be afraid to skip around. It might take several years to find a med that you can live with totally. Then there's the chance that it might stop working after a couple of years. You'll have to find a new one and the whole process starts over.

I'm sorry, but you will be doing this for the rest of your life. But staying responsible, seeing a therapist regularly, regulating your sleep, and consistently taking your meds is going to turn your life around like you wouldn't believe. You can look forward to things like going to the grocery store when you need to, and holding down a job for longer than a year. Won't that be nice?
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by MochaAdmin » Wed Aug 30, 2017 2:15 pm

Lessa......I'm sorry to go OT......I'll get back to your question in a moment but I feel I must address Jack's post right away:


JackAsher wrote:They've put you on a mood stabilizer, which is good. The next med they'll try is an antipsychotic. DO NOT LOOK UP THE SIDE EFFECTS OF A MEDICATION ONLINE. All it will do is scare you. The highest incidences of most of these are around %50, so there's no guarantee that you will have any one of them. These meds will take at least a month to start working the way they're supposed to. Oh, you'll see results right away, but you have to stick with it for two months or more to make sure it's working.

After that, don't be afraid to skip around. It might take several years to find a med that you can live with totally. Then there's the chance that it might stop working after a couple of years. You'll have to find a new one and the whole process starts over.

First of all, Jack......none of us here are professionals, nor do we give out professional advice....... Which you have done repeatedly in your post. And I have to add most of it has been incorrect advice. If your goal had been to frighten Lessa or any other member, you succeeded. And we will not have that here.

I'm going to break down your post:

They've put you on a mood stabilizer, which is good. The next med they'll try is an antipsychotic. DO NOT LOOK UP THE SIDE EFFECTS OF A MEDICATION ONLINE. All it will do is scare you.

Not True re: automatically 2nd med being an AP.......maybe in some case yes, but certainly not for all patients. Certainly wasn't with me. And about not looking up side effects? That's also bullshit. We encourage our members to research everything, to be proactive so they can be an equal partner in their treatment.

Patients need to make an informed decision about their treatment and remaining dumb doesn't help them with that. We don't believe that docs walk on water around here. We believe it's our responsibility to be a part of the team.

These meds will take at least a month to start working the way they're supposed to. Oh, you'll see results right away, but you have to stick with it for two months or more to make sure it's working.

Some meds can take up to a month or two to start working......everyone on the site already knows that, because our pdocs tell us and it's pretty much common knowledge.

We are also very much aware of the med go round. And trying to find the right cocktail. No news to us.

What I don't appreciate is you coming in here and giving medical advice to our member/members as if you were a professional, and I can assure you it won't happen again.

If you joined the site for support, or to actually support other members, that's one thing......but if you came here to lecture on every subject as though you were a professional, that's another story, and it's just not going to work.

And btw.......enough with the ACA/Obamacare. It's not even available to many of our members in many states. So knock it off. It won't do anything but stir up convos on the site we would rather not have. Many folks are against it, many aren't. We aren't going there.

Again, if you need support and understanding, that's just fine. If that's not what you're looking for, maybe we should part ways.

Mocha
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Not a Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob

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by JackAsher » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:58 pm

MochaAdmin wrote:[color=#000000]Lessa......I'm sorry to go OT......I'll get back to your question in a moment but I feel I must address Jack's post right away:


So sorry I stepped out of line there! Most of that I felt wasn't medical advice, or at least advice that would overstep the bounds.

I'm gonna delete the post, unless I find out after posting this that I can't delete the post. In that case, please delete it for me.
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