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How much to tell husband?

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by loreleiG » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:26 am

Hi!

I'm new here, officially diagnosed almost 2 months ago with BP2 and GAD. I already have a ton of questions as I start to think back to patterns in my past that fit the diagnosis...which comes with lots of guilt. One huge question I have, how much of your thoughts and feelings do you all divulge to your significant others? I'm talking even embarrassing, guilt-ridden topics like promiscuity, suicidal thoughts, and other anxieties/feelings of that sort.

Background--
I ask because I HATE secrets. He obviously knows about my condition and has been fantastic support for me during this weird time in my life. However, when I'm hypomanic I tend to lean towards the overcondidence, promiscuity side of things--which explains why I wasn't faithful to him 3 years ago, leading to our break. During that time, let's just say I experienced being single probably too much--it wasn't me at all. So you can imagine my fears just waiting for the hypomania to strike again. Obviously I will stay strong because I love the HECK out of my man, but should I tell him that there are thoughts that pop into my head and they don't mean anything, truly just part of this disorder? I can't control my thoughts during the hypomanic times and it sucks the life out of me. Maybe if I told him we could come up with something to help me control it, put my energy into something else?

I mentioned some of the thoughts I was guilty about to a therapist but she said they were fine...didn't sit well with me so I stopped seeing her.

Thanks in advance for reading my babble! I'm happy to be here. I so badly want someone to confess things to, someone who just gets it. So for now, y'all are stuck with me :P

-Lorelei (I stole my dog's name LOL)
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by AvantGarde » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:34 am

Hi and welcome :)

I can't help you with that particular question as I'm going to be single for life if I can get my way :lol:

But most of our members have SO, or have been where you are, so there will be plenty of answers for sure.

Welcome again :)
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by hal » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:47 am

Sounds like you already fit right in, so I don't need to urge you to do that. Welcome, Lorilei!

About confiding, only you can answer that for sure for yourself. I talk about it with my wife, not so much so to other family members and friends. They all know in general about my condition, but they seldom bring the subject up, nor do I. An exception is my brother I don't see or talk to very much. After I was hospitalized last fall, and of course let everybody know, he called, and I appreciated that very much. He's always been my favorite brother. :)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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by Spm24 » Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:38 am

loreleiG,

Welcome to the forum.

As someone else said only you can come up with that decision. But for me I tell my wife most everything. There are times that I do not tell her everything when it is happening. But I do end up telling her and she let's me know that she wants to be told when it is happening not after the fact. The not telling her was mainly the suicidal ideation. .Now don't get me wrong but there are things from my past I don't tell her. But everything that has happened since we have been together I have told her. But that's just what works for me and my wife. It will not work work everyone. You will have to decide how much to tell him....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Duckysmom » Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:43 am

My SO is very understanding and supportive, but I still keep certain things to myself. Never keep it to myself when I am heading to depression or manic. He knows when I am stable or hypomanic without my saying a word. But I don't tell him everything about my past before he was part of my life. At least, not in detail.

During your break, you may have done things that you feel guilty about, but you need to decide if telling him would hurt or help him understand. Might be better dealing with that in therapy. I get very hyper-sexual when hypomanic and my SO reaps the rewards, so to speak. :lol: So explaining that part of your symptoms, without sounding like you are excusing past behavior, might be the route to go.

There are also several good books that you could probably offer him that helped my SO understand BP better. One is called "When someone you love is Bipolar". I think that's what it's called. I'm not at home to check right now.

Still, you have to make the decision on how much to share. Going forward, honesty is the best policy, letting him know where your mind is at. He can't help you or support you if he doesn't have the information.
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by loreleiG » Sun Aug 27, 2017 3:10 pm

Thank you for the advice, everyone! I apologize for the EXTREMELY late response. (medicine changes, mood swings, the "usual"). I feel so much better on my new meds though, and I've gradually brought up some of the thoughts I mentioned to my husband! He is supportive, as was expected. It's just terrifying being that vulnerable.

I actually do have the book "When Someone You Love is Bipolar" so that's great you suggested it! It's just been sitting on my nightstand, I'm terrified to read about what may be in store for me. But I may use it as a tool to talk to the hubby about different aspects of what's going through my mind.

Thanks again, you guys! You all are a breath of fresh air, thank you for making me smile with each of your posts!
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by Spm24 » Sun Aug 27, 2017 3:16 pm

Glad your back. We all understand the "usual" it is unfortunately life. Things happen that take precedence.

It is good that you opened up some to your husband. It is not easy to make ourselves vulnerable. Keep it up...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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