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A bit sad and nostalgic

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by AvantGarde » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:02 pm

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees that

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah!

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)


Life is nothing like Friends promised it to be :cry: There isn't a great job waiting to be handed over by some cute guy at a diner. We can't stay all day hanging out with our friends at a coffee house, well I can but my friends can't. There isn't some great love hiding behind the corner waiting to sweep you under your feet.
Friends don't come over for a big breakfast every day. You can't really have your half brother's babies, that would just be weird. You didn't turn out chipper like Phoebe or funny like Chandler, or hot like Monica and Rachel, or with a lesbian wife like Ross, or with Joey's smarts.

I'm sort of kidding, but it's all true.


My life is so interesting.

Edit: Nevermind, no longer blue. Woke up to see the scale going down and took my forthnightly picture to keep track of volume shrinkage and my belly is simply gone. That will boost up my mood for a few more days :D
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by Jemane » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:25 pm

That song brings back so many memories!
Yay for belly gone. Mine is increasing at a rapid rate as I keep putting on more weight.
I say this as I eat Brie with biscuits.
Hope you are doing ok.
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by AvantGarde » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:33 pm

I am okay, no need to worry :) Normal down mood, due to life stressors but nothing I can't handle. Will hang on to the lost weight and friends marathon :lol:
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by Jemane » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Glad you’re doing well. I always loved friends. Great show.
I’m coming to terms with and realisation that I’m a bit crazy. Took me awhile. I’m ok with it. Yep, I’m crazy everyone!
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by AvantGarde » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:41 pm

I now count crazy in Phoebe's terms. Am I a bit Phoebe or not Phoebe at all? I stand somewhere in the middle :lol:

Now seriously, you've had a tough life, you're adjusting to Bipolar and it's never easy. The experts say there's a period of instability and then we adjust. For some it takes longer, for others not so much. This doesn't mean you're crazy, you always seem so grounded to me, even when you're hypo or bordering mania. Seriously, don't frett :)
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by Jemane » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:06 am

Not fretting so much as pondering the conversation I just had with my husband. I think I’ve come right down now as I slept well last night but he thinks I’m still up cause my libido is rather excellent and I just so desperately want to have sex with him... isn’t he meant to really enjoy that??? Instead it’s making him worried. I can’t win.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:08 am

It's actually good that he worries and doesn't take advantage of the situation for his own pleasure, if you think about it! He loves you, that's the important part. He wants you well, not over or under.
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by Jemane » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:16 am

Good point. You have such good rational arguments as always.
I think I’m a bit phoebe too. I can relate to that.
Oh my goodness... I don’t know where I’m at. Am I up? Normal? Coming down? Mixed? I think I’m just mixed up right now.
Told my pdoc I was coming down today. He made me promise him several times over to call if I was still up.
How do I know? I’m so confused.
You’d think after 3 years of this I’d have it down pat but I really don’t.
Aghhh... sorry for the rant. Needed to get that out I think. Now I’m really hijacking your thread and I really hate doing that. Sorry.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:24 am

No problem, there's not much to hijack anyway. It was a vent, no need to be dissected.
:)

Well yeah, I do think deep depressions and mixed episodes can be more dangerous than mania. Don't know why pdocs act otherwise, maybe ignorance... "Oh everyone has depressions at some point"... so it's kinda generalized as a not so meanigful thing I suppose. All my pdocs have focused on treating my hypos and manias, and barely give my depressions any attention, it's a bit frustrating. My current pdoc gives attention, but is visibly more scared of manias than depression.

We should get much more credit for holding on to ourselves and our sanities than we do
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by Jemane » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:29 am

Yes I think you’re right. They do seem extra worried about mania but tolerate quite a degree of depression.
I think I’m more dangerous in depression than in mania or hypomania.
Interestingly my Pdoc did say he’s most worried about my high because of the low that follows it as I get really suicidal so I think he’s really on the ball.
I think he’s a good pdoc. He’s so supportive and encouraging and makes me not feel stupid and I can contact him whenever I need to.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:41 am

Oh your pdoc is great. I was just complaining in general, I like to complain :lol:

If you're mildly suicidal here, the hospital won't admit you, only if you're high risk. My mom had to sign a paper saying I was a danger to others when I was not, just so I would get admitted. It's frustrating as hell. Still a lot to develop to be considered a developed country, in my opinion.. but hey.. At least we have beaches.

Last summer I was really in a very dark place, could use going to the hospital to be an overtly-medicated-sleeping-beauty so it would subside, but had to ride it out by myself. I do think it was one of the hardest periods of my life, mentally wise. Pdoc was worried, but had her own real life troubles, and then tdoc didn't really pursue the issue, even worsened it a bit until I quit therapy with him.

Next appt with pdoc will talk to her to develop a safety plan in case I get to that dark place again. Working on it with tdoc.
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by Jemane » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:49 am

Always important to have a safety plan. Glad you’re doing that, it’s a great idea.
My safety plan is basically call the pdoc and call my husband. Has worked for thus far - except I suppose when I called the pdoc but overdosed anyway surprising everyone except myself.
It’s pretty hard to get admitted in Australia too. It’s crazy really. If you have severe asthma or diabetes you get admitted. Why should it be any different with bipolar?
I feel pretty passionate about mental health services in Australia. It’s something that I feel is so important but there just isn’t enough money being spent despite the incredible health load it has on the community.
I’m also passionate about the very high suicide rate in doctors. Don’t know if this is a big problem in your country but it’s got a lot of press here.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:56 am

Jemane wrote:Don’t know if this is a big problem in your country but it’s got a lot of press here.

Oddly enough, psychiatrists and veterinarians. Suicide rates went way up in 2011 here.

Yeah, mental health services here are a problem too. Previous government cut the funds by a lot, and most government subsidized treatment centers were closed. This government has done nothing to solve that issue. We're left with private practices or public treatment, which means either pricey or substancially lacking in quality. It also depends by city/region of course, some places are better than others.
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by Mocha » Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:37 am

What I find weird in the States is dentists are high on the list....... :shock: ......go figure........

Here we are....going OT again, but you guys started it.... :) ......my tdoc and his collegues have regular meets for their own mental health......kinda like group therapy, and some are in therapy themselves. I think it's very healthy.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:53 am

Dentists really? That's weird..

Yeah, supervision of tdocs is very common around Europe. Don't know if there it is that common. Most tdocs are what they call under supervision.

Know this.. my old tdoc was a supervisor!! New tdoc was really surprised by his behaviors because of for that. Lol
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by Mocha » Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:06 am

Your old tdoc was a 'supervisor'..?.....talking about the blind leading the blind......:lol:

What I meant about my tdoc and his collegues.......they aren't supervised........they do this on their own. Can you imagine talking to us 'crazy' folks for all those hours each week, sometimes after hours....? It's gotta be draining as hell.

Who wouldn't need therapy after that?...... :lol: :lol:

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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:09 am

Ahh I get it! Cool, self sufficient therapy group!

And yeah about old tdoc.. jeebuz
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by Lisa » Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:09 am

AG, I'm glad you're getting a vent in =]

Quite a bit discussed that I found interesting, agreed with, or wanted to comment on.

I think having a 'failsafe' is quite a good plan. I trust my pdoc to make sure I get admitted if necessary. I've learned a few things about my 'moods' in years past, but I hadn't a clue as to how to roll with them instead of allowing them to roll over me. I have no idea what I'll do when the old fart stops practicing :/

I believe that my pdoc is more concerned about a depression than mania :/ Which is good, as far as I am concerned. He changes my meds when I am getting a bit aggressive or losing interest in everything. Those times I thought I was hypomanic, he asked me about spending, and what my activities were and said to call him if that changes. I feel very lucky to have him as a pdoc =]

I dropped to 221.0 this morning... it's hard to believe that I weighed 150 like 2 years ago LMAO
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:25 am

Ah, always thought of you as a more mania kinda gal :lol: That's what I see here anyway, don't know you IRL.

Are you losing some weight?

I'm feeling so great with this diet, want everyone on it because it works with me :lol:

Hard to believe I was once 80lbs :shock: I saw a pic of myself from back then recently, my mom has it storaged on her phone as a reminder for me not to cross that line again, and damn was I unhealthy, grey and with a huge head and a small body.
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by Lisa » Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:43 am

I am absolutely comfortable being hypomanic or manic =] I know some people fear what comes after or what they do in these episodes, but I'll take them over depression any day. I'm tired of quitting everything and running :/

IRL, my mornings are from 9ish to noonish. I wake to have coffee and then I am a bit giddy. I'd consider it hypomanic if I was interested in actually doing something besides dancing for exercise :/ I just think I'm caffeinated LOL

I then head to work, process things behind the scenes for 5 hours. My last 4 hours are at a public desk where I help people, something that I enjoy =] or look at Imgur XD By the time my shift has ended, I am exhausted and I come home to watch Netflix or Shudder. Rinse and repeat.

Docs took me off of Seroquel when I was gaining 2 lbs a day in late August. I got to 245 and have been losing since =] Yeah, 80 lbs is a bit tiny =] But I'd give you a nice cushiony hug regardless LOL
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by AvantGarde » Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:46 am

Much like my days, except my work days and hours are more erratic.

I would very much take that hug :D
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