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Housework ugh

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Here's the place to do it. Vent away!

by Moodylessa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:09 pm

Hey guys, been gone with the moving and stuff.

Can I just say I'm frustrated? I don't know if I'm blowing things up because of my bipolar or if I'm reasonable.

I love my wife, as all of you know. She is a sweet, caring person.

But oh my fucking god. She is the -worst- at house keeping. We still STILL have only unpacked some of the kitchen.

In our place before we moved out here, despite having a dishwasher, dishes would go weeks and months and begin growing a new civilization before she'd fucking put them in the dishwasher. Something she promised me would make it easier to do dishes.

She naps daily (like I do) but her naps are like 5+ hours a day. Mine are maybe 2. I help as much as I can, sometimes too much and send myself in to a pain flare from hell.

Laundry will go MONTHS where she will only wash what we need. Yes we do know we need to get rid of some clothes.

Garbage piles up everywhere, recycling does too. There's a gross smell in the house that I cannot find the cause of but blech!

I've already told her she can't have her pc set up until the house is sorted out.

Her excuse is always the same: I don't want a house like a show home (nor do I, just a tidy home), it's overwhelming (I've told her if she did it regularly it wouldn't be), I have a headache (she gets them regularly but won't talk to a Dr about them), I'm tired (she doesn't work and is home) and now we have too much stuff I don't know where we will put it all. Well we have FOUR boxes of books. I don't know maybe the bookshelf they lived on before?!

I have sent video in the past to her brother to show the disgusting state. She's always "we need a cleaner" and I respond that with BOTH of us home all day we don't. When she goes back to work we can look into it. I am beyond fed up it comes down to the same cycle.

I ask her to do things get a I will later, they don't get done. So I remind and nag. Finally I start doing them and she feels guilty and takes over. Then an explosion of anger from me pointing out that she only does the shit because she feels guilty, not because she knows they need done.

She'll do better for a couple of weeks and then back to square one. On top of that if I don't tank and praise her, she gets indignant because I am not grateful.

I'm sorry is she not a fucking adult?!

I hate living in a filthy home. Her brother came out back before we moved to help her get it together. He also told her it was unhealthy to live in such filth, and frankly that wasn't how they were raised.

I am at the exploding point again. I'm so sick and tired of this. We did have a two week heat wave that was so bad we couldn't move without sweating profusely so I gave a pass to most things. But now it's "I'm sore, I'm tired, where is everything going to go?!"

And I have tried so so hard not to snap and respond respectfully.

Now, before I got sick, I did most of the house work because I was unemployed and I like doing housework. I'm weird I know.

But as I got sick more and more had to switch to her. I know it's a lot, and I feel guilty. But...she plays a stupid phone game for hours.

I end up having to beg for food (can't cook takes too much out of me ugh), or drinks (when I simply can't get up). I have to remind her to take out the dogs, over...and over and over. Basically this game and Netflix on the PS4 rule her life. I'm about ready to take MY PS4 back from her and smash/hide her phones.

It's so fucking annoying that at 29, she is too fucking lazy to do anything. She's a grown fucking woman. I don't expect our house to be featured in a damn magazine but I do expect a clean, healthy home for us.

My options right now are:do it myself and hurt myself badly, nag her and nothing will get done, or explode and shell behave or make me out to be the bad fucking guy.

I'm always the bad guy when I explode from this. Because taking care of me is a lot of work, and x, y,z and it's just so much!

When in reality, she doesnt do a whole heck of a lot.

Am I being psycho?! Fuck I'm so annoyed
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:19 pm

Sorry things are going badly for you right now.

There are people out there who do not like to do household chores because they feel it is beneath them. That it takes time away from whatever they feel is important to them.

Not really sure how to help. But sometimes nagging is the only thing that works for certain people. Then they expect to be showered with thanks and emotions because they put up a glass. Now don't get me wrong it feels great to be appreciated for doing the dishes or cooking dinner. A thank you goes along way but is not a requirement for doing those things....

But a good rant you have...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Moodylessa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:31 pm

I always thank her for dinner and say how delicious it is (or tell her what I think she could do differently). I thank her for everything she does for me too. I've asked her if housework was below her and she doesn't feel that way.

She just is freaking lazy. Lazy, lazy. At her parents she started good habits, and I was HOPING they'd transfer. But apparently those habits we're only to appease her mother. Not me.

Uhh
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:41 pm

I hope you didn't think I was inferring that you didn't thank her. Was just putting a perspective on it...

Good habits do not always translate well from one place to another. Unless they want them to... Your probably right she is lazy.. many people in this world are....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
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Posts: 3452
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Location: Ohio

by Moodylessa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:45 pm

Oh no, I was just uhm.... reassuring? That I do thank her and show my gratitude. I love her and enjoy the sparkle in her eye.

Just blew up on the dog for barking, and then got angry because she didnt put lids on the peanut butter and honey. She's like why are you cranky. I'm fine. I'm fine. I don't want to explode on her. Ugh
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:58 pm

Sometimes we bottle things up to much and when they come out they explode. We take little mundane things and they throw us into an anger fit. Which does not reslove the bigger issues that are hanging over our heads like a black cloud.

Sometimes it helps me to sit down and tell Tracy what is bothering me. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. We don't always see eye to eye on everything. Not that I would expect to do so. Would be boring if we agreed on everything....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
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Posts: 3452
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by Moodylessa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:59 pm

True that. I'll try to. Sometimes we write things to each other rather than fight. I'm just deep breathing. Because I know when I'm angry I just get mean.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:03 pm

Writing works for me.. Tracy prefers talking...many people get mean when they are angry. I get snippy. She can tell when I am upset very well...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
Moderator
 
Posts: 3452
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by Moodylessa » Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:30 pm

Had a small talk with her. I'm part to blame I haven't been telling her when I'm up to unpacking. She is taking out the garbage/recyling for pick up tomorrow. I'm trying really hard to just keep calm
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:44 pm

Us not telling them when we are up to doing something makes us part of the problem. Just like not telling them when something is bothering makes us to blame some as well.

Only thing you can do is take deep breaths and stay calm.. do something to take your mind away from it. Something that soothes you..
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
Moderator
 
Posts: 3452
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by Caroline » Mon Oct 09, 2017 6:08 pm

Do guys talk like this in person? You two are making me laugh, not at you, just the whole string is funny. Grab a beer and turn on sports center.
Moody maybe she just doesn't care. Take away her PS4, interesting phrasing. I say get her a sticker chart to earn video game time.

Seriously and a genuine idea, play madden 18 and winner cleans that day.
I am me. Voices in my head, quiet down.
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Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:36 pm

by Moodylessa » Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:10 am

Caroline wrote:Do guys talk like this in person? You two are making me laugh, not at you, just the whole string is funny. Grab a beer and turn on sports center.
Moody maybe she just doesn't care. Take away her PS4, interesting phrasing. I say get her a sticker chart to earn video game time.

Seriously and a genuine idea, play madden 18 and winner cleans that day.


Uhm both me and my wife are chicks ROFL. Madden 18? No. Mass effect. Come on Madden is for non gamers. :lol:

I am only venting because as someone chronically sick it is hard for me to do much and it is frustrating.

Spm24 wrote:Us not telling them when we are up to doing something makes us part of the problem. Just like not telling them when something is bothering makes us to blame some as well.

Only thing you can do is take deep breaths and stay calm.. do something to take your mind away from it. Something that soothes you..


I ended up crocheting and breathing after the talk. We watched some Netflix, watched her play some games (after she tidied up a bit) and had a good evening.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada


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