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Mother and friend rant TW-Abuse

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by Mom2dani » Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:14 am

So I started seeing my tdoc about a month ago due to the husband mentioning separating and leaving me. I think it was always in the back of my mind that I needed to see a tdoc but never never fully surfaced. After the usual what brings you here, we dive into what my childhood was like, tell me about your family.

Dad...awesome. He was in the military but never brought that structured/military attitude home. He was easy going, easy to talk and simply loved his kids, wanted them happy and wanted his wife happy.

Then her, mom. She was cruel. My sister has shared with me the physical abuse she and my oldest brother endured. If she had done the things she did to them now, cps would for sure get a call. Always happened when dad was on his TDYs and not home for weeks. I came along 6 years later. Her appendix almost burst shortly after I was born, dad had to take care of me and my siblings. I think that's why I was daddy's little girl well actually my sister and I were his girls. His TDYs weren't quite as frequent and the physical abuse towards my siblings lessened, only for the occasional episode. Towards me she just simply showed no love. Rarely spoke to me unless it was to yell over some dumb shit little kids do, and I'm talking toddler to teenager. No nurturing.

It was quite obvious she hated having children. I'm no expert but i do believe she was bipolar. Numerous manic episodes like going ham with crocheting doilies to rearranging furniture in the middle of the night. My dad died in 1997 and now she is just a functioning alcoholic. Yeah we don't have a relationship anymore because, well, she sucks. I blame her for how I am. I look up to the sky asking dad to please forgive me for saying "I hate her". I know my experience wasn't physically traumatic but that poor little girl.

Now onto the friend. The (my) husband's best friends wife is bipolar. Dx'd as a child, been admitted numerous times, placed her family in financial hardship, etc. She came by one day after the husband left. Told me she had been mentioning to her husband for years that I needed help. The she saw her and I living a parallel life. Doing the same things to cope (financial hardship, drinking, irritability and isolation). When I mentioned this to the husband when he came by he stated his friend never mentioned his wife was saying this.

Here's my rant...why the fuck didn't she just say something to me? Why the fuck watch me suffer with the same illness/disorder/disease that she has? Why watch the husband suffer through things he didn't understand why they were happening? He left because of the financial burden, feeling unloved, disrespected, etc. And I know I am not the only one to blame, he should have manned up and communicated with me instead of letting it build to where he left. But still, I hate that he ever felt these things,

Shame on her! Had I received help earlier, had he and I had a chance to understand what was wrong with me, maybe just maybe, he wouldn't have left. Shame on her and shame on her husband for 1) not helping me and watching me suffer and 2) not saying anything and watching this marriage suffer.
I know deep in my heart that if I saw a friend suffering as I was, I would say something. Fuck them.

Ok rant over.
Xoxo
"Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken"
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by AvantGarde » Fri Sep 08, 2017 5:19 am

Plenty of people in my life didn't tell me anything either..some even tried to make it worse. Most people suck.

I'm sorry your mom is such a bitch.
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by Mom2dani » Fri Sep 08, 2017 5:41 am

AvantGarde wrote: Most people suck.


Yes, yes they do. If the husband and I were to by chance reconcile, I don't think I could ever feel the same about those two.
I wonder...did his friend not say anything to save the husband from having to deal with a bipolar wife like he is? If so, who is he to make that decision for him. And I do wonder if the friends wife was just blowing smoke up my ass and truly never mentioned anything to her husband. Either way, I no longer consider them friends of mine. It hadn't even been a week since he left and she's mentioning divorce support groups. Ok her intentions were there, but wtf have a little compassion and sensitivity.
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by Spm24 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:07 am

I don't know if she did or didn't tell anyone. But so people do not get involved in things until after the fact. Many people are afraid of the results of them "butting in" .

But as AG said most people suck...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:11 am

Shawn is right though, when butting in we don't know people's reaction.. can be one of those situations.
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