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Mixed rant

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by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:11 am

Part I

So here I am today, helping out a friend figure out her new meds and stuff and how to deal with her new pdoc... Took hours on this.
But once I get to my problems I hear crickets, one sentence was all I got after a major wall of text. Not even a fucking goodbye or can't talk right now, nothing after my reply.

Yes, it's the same friend with the DV problem. I'm staying out of that particular subject, since she took it upon herself to be the donkey in the relationship. (the one that carries the load) But now I'm thinking I should really stop having one sided relationships and be content with the ones I do have that are not one sided. It's not phasing me much, it's not disappointing, it's just another meh in a roll of mehs.

Part II

Now, for the amount of complaining I do here it would be surprising for you to know I actually don't complain at all in real life? Well it's true. I once got a high fever flu and didn't say anything for months, until I was in dellirium taking penicilin shots in my butt hearing inappropriate remarks from the male nurse about my ass... Yeah.. anyway..

So, since I decided to stop therapy with this tdoc I've been walking on clouds. I started really complaining about my tdoc yesterday, told my mom a bunch of stuff too, how I don't want to be angry with her anymore either, that we both took responsibility for our actions and we both are still growing (she actually shrunk a centimeter, but that's age for you), that she's well on meds and for her to please not quit them right now, without therapy. Of course it's her choice, but as some of you know she doesn't take that good care of herself. She still hasn't done the exams the doctor ordered either... It pains me and I told her that. So yeah, we'll see what happens.

Learned helplessness doesn't exist just in mental illness, lots of people have it as I see it.

And me? I'm going for sushi in a bit.
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by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:30 am

Responding to both threads on this one if it's ok :P

I know that feeling as I always used to be the "rainy day friend" that everyone runs to but when things got tough for me, well yeah you know the story.

I have very rare moments like those where I break down and just talk things out with a family member and it is very liberating so I'm glad you are able to do that. Your right about the fact that it's something I should work on. I somehow never saw it like that so thanks for pointing it out. I guess it comes down to being a part of loving our selves enough to let others around us 'in' so to speak. Your signature made some sense to me before but now it has really driven it home, thank you :)

Enjoy the SUSHI!!
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by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:39 am

No problem at all :)

And yeah, I was able to do that two nights in a row, but it's not usual for me. I think it's because I'm really really pissed off... lol Honestly, any other day I would've talked to folks here just to make sure my head isn't bouncing off the walls, and then do what I wanted to do in the first place. I started to do that, but then I thought it would be more "post traumatic growthy" of me to talk it out with my mother. She's not always receptive, but since I've been doing so well and helping out a lot she feels more relaxed and trusts me more. I wasn't always easy shhhh

If one thing this tdoc taught me was self compassion, at least encouraged it.
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by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:49 am

Haha, I know, I wasn't always that easy to deal with either :D

There's always a chance of something good to come out of a bad situation.
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by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:59 am

That's true. Even if the situation is so dire that the only positive outcome is personal growth :shock: :lol:
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by Spm24 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:57 am

One sided relationships suck. That's why I have ditched my friendships. They were one sided. Me doing everything and them along for the ride. I got so tired of it happening that I just ended them.... I still have a couple through my wife...

It is good that you can complain in RL. It is good that you keep opening new channels with your mother. It is a shame your growing and your mother is shrinking :lol:
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:00 am

We all grow *inside* :D Outside life turns us all saggy :?
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