Bipolar Support Forums To Share and Support One Another

Why do they do this to me ... Why

Are you on that last little nerve? Need to get something off your chest?

Here's the place to do it. Vent away!

by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:36 am

My family has tickets to go see a Acapella group and now they want me to go with them. The big problem is I know if I do I am going to be in a world of hurt for at least a week if not more. Yet if I say no, it's going to end up in a huge argument again. It happens every single time they get this bug up their ass and I have to explain all over again why. This is stressing me out so badly that my thoughts are racing now and I'm starting to feel trapped and when I feel trapped bad things happens.

They know my situation. They know I can't sit for that long, especially in a uncomfortable environment whether I bring my own cushion/chair or not. Even the car ride it self takes a toll on me, not even talking about having to walk too far or standing in a que for too long. There are just so many facets to my problem that they just don't seem to grasp.

As it is I'm having severe foot pain recently and had to go shopping for new shoes on Monday, the next step being my Orthotist and if that doesn't help my Podiatrist. As a result of the shopping trip my body feels shattered and I know it's going to feel that way for the rest of the week and there's nothing I can do about it.

I just wish there was a way for me to make them feel how my body feels. It's not 'fixable' and never will be. I have to manage my body and weigh up what is and what is not worth it. I know that until I resolve this issue it's only going to get worse but I just can't win. They have a answer to everything I say and yes they do make sense but as applied to 'Normal' people. CTD's doesn't play by the rules and this has been confirmed by doctors and specialists in that they advise treatments and medication that they would never ever recommend for their other patients.

I know what my body can and can't do and I have to measure up things. No matter how beneficial it may be for me, I have to consider the impact in the long run and it's not always worth expending the energy nor the pain I would have through doing so for a low percentage return.

Can't I just for once have a NORMAL illness that can be cured or explained in simple terms.
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:49 am

Write a post it and stick it on their foreheads.

Now seriously, I'm sorry. It's hard for non-ill people to have empathy in normal situations, but we would think that for us family/friends it would be easier. I can relate a lot.

And like me, you're probably one that more easily complains online than in real life where we have to look tough and suck it up. Makes them say "But you don't show you're in pain!"... Am I right or off the mark?
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes


Image
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5551
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:01 am

There's an idea!

And yes your 100% right. I grew up thinking the pains I was having was normal so I mask it too well. I have the same problem with doctors and even psych's/therapists.

A couple of years ago I had a kidney stone and the only way my family actually realized something was up was when my body started telling them through the fact that I started turning pale. In the emergency room they also didn't think too much of it as I wasn't showing signs of excessive pain or discomfort. They did an MRI just to be safe and found I had a kidney stone lodged inside the tubes of my kidney that would never have passed on it's own.
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:13 am

Damn that's horrible. My ex had kidney stones, he puked a lot from the pain. Sissy :twisted: Jk, must be horrible.

Something maybe you can work on, I'm trying to work on my issue... It's not easy :?
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes


Image
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5551
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by MochaAdmin » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:40 am

Hey dude......just tell them hell no, I don't feel well and I'm not going. You guys have a great time.

Kidney stones.....omg....been there done that........ :shock: :shock: I feel ya brother. I've never been in such pain.......

By the way confrontation gets easier the more often you stand up for yourself...... They will be surprised at first, but don't back down no matter what they say. They will get used to it....... ;) And if they don't who the fuck cares......you come first.


Not a Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King Jr.~
User avatar
MochaAdmin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 186
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:17 pm
Location: North Coast

by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:46 am

Thanks Mocha :)

You and AG have both helped me a lot in what you have said.
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by AvantGarde » Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:50 am

Yeah I agree. No need to go into detail or further explanations. Better yet "You already know why I can't go." not even a sorry, it's not your fault, they don't get to blame you at all.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes


Image
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5551
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Spm24 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:00 am

I agree with the others. Tell them your not going. Tell them they know how bad you have it with your illness. That you prefer not to go.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
Moderator
 
Posts: 3074
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by Pancake » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:08 pm

Have you tried using the spoon theory on them?
Totally sane mermaid-siren of Vegemiteland
User avatar
Pancake
Moderator
 
Posts: 2882
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 2:45 pm
Location: Terror Australis

by Stuckles » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:21 pm

Spoon theory?
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by Spm24 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:30 pm

Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
User avatar
Spm24
Moderator
 
Posts: 3074
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:18 am
Location: Ohio

by MochaAdmin » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:12 pm

Stuckles, forgive me but I can't remember if you're in therapy or not? If you are boundaries would be a really good thing for you to work on.

If you aren't, we'll talk about boundaries all day long with ya here....... :)
Not a Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King Jr.~
User avatar
MochaAdmin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 186
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:17 pm
Location: North Coast

by Pancake » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:49 pm

Stuckles wrote:Spoon theory?

Shawn has it.
It's a great analogy to explain to people who don't really get it why you can't do *all the things* and have to ration yourself.
Totally sane mermaid-siren of Vegemiteland
User avatar
Pancake
Moderator
 
Posts: 2882
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 2:45 pm
Location: Terror Australis

by Stuckles » Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:48 am

Update: I told them I wasn't going and heard 'the sigh' and thought to myself "Oh no you don't". Before they could lay into me I calmly said "You should know by now why I can't ... anyone want coffee?". Threw them for a loop for a bit and they'r still not too happy about it but that's their problem, not mine :P

The spoon theory is brilliant! I'm defenately introducing them to it once they stop brooding and sulking.

Mocha, it's been quite a while since I was last in therapy but more out of circumstance than personal choice. I do realize now though that even though I feel beholden to them, I have to think of myself as well. It seems that somehow I had only partially learned to say 'no', if that makes sense.

Thanks guys, all I needed was that little bit of confidence boost and to know that I am thinking the right way.
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by AvantGarde » Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:56 am

Ah, great that you were confident :) Next time it will be easier, for sure. We're all very proud, I'm sure. I know I am. :D

I still have a hard time telling things straight, tbh. Instead of repeating over and over that I can't because mental health I just say "can't", or sometimes make up an excuse, I confess :oops: ... They don't like it, though... Meh, I don't care, honestly. It's not like I can be social all the freakin time. They want to take me to loud places all the time, or too much sun, or too much people... Always something that is too much for me.

My mom in that sense is very understanding, but we did had tickets to see a rock band that we like but I freaked out that day so now no more tickets to concerts from her :lol: :lol: It's understandable...
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes


Image
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5551
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Stuckles » Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:15 am

Haha, it helps when they see the affects first hand, then you don't have to explain it again. I can't handle loud noises either, it drives me batshit. To make it worse, for some reason I sometimes find it hard to comprehend what others are saying (especially over the phone). Add background noise and I just stare at them blankly hoping that nodding is the right response :lol:
User avatar
Stuckles
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:58 am

by MochaAdmin » Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:01 am

Stuckles wrote:Before they could lay into me I calmly said "You should know by now why I can't ... anyone want coffee?"

Oh that's great........I love the "anyone want coffee?".........:lol:

You kept it casual, just like any other conversation......perfect...... :)

I'm so proud....... :D

I love/not afraid of confrontation, and I feel as though one of students did very well......:lol:

Not a Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King Jr.~
User avatar
MochaAdmin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 186
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:17 pm
Location: North Coast

by Pancake » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:26 pm

Ha! Good for you. You are spot on, it's their problem.
Totally sane mermaid-siren of Vegemiteland
User avatar
Pancake
Moderator
 
Posts: 2882
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 2:45 pm
Location: Terror Australis


Return to Rant & Vent to Your Heart's Content!