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scared for my return

School and Bipolar Disorder? How do you do it? Please share your experiences, your victories, and even your disappointmens. We understand how hard it must be from high school to college to grad school. Hope you can share with us and find the support you need.

by milk » Mon Aug 28, 2017 11:45 am

summer is almost over. i'm going into grade 11. last year i had a breakdown near the end of the year due to stress from finals, my trauma starting to rear its head and taking my meds irregularly. all this sh*t added up and culminated into me having a panic attack, leaving in the middle of class, calling my mom and being admitted into the hospital. this is really hard to admit but i wasn't allowed back due to threatening notes i wrote about certain teachers. i hope i won't get judged for that and i hope there's someone out there who understands how bad of a place i was in to do that. so i stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks, finished school there, got out and was admitted again 2 weeks later for a suicide attempt. they then diagnosed me with mood disorder and changed my meds which i had been begging them to do the first admission. luckily they are letting me come back this year. so this year i am taking 2 online classes and have a spare each semester which should add up to less stress. they also now know i have an anxiety diagnoses and are coming up with solutions so i don't have to be anxious during school. i'm just scared to go back, i dont want to end up in that place i was in before my admission. how do you deal with going to school with bipolar? any specific strategies you use?
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by Stuckles » Mon Aug 28, 2017 2:19 pm

Hey Milk,

It's understandable that you feel scared. Just take it one day at a time and when you start feeling that the anxiety and stress is getting too much for you speak to your therapist about it and let your guidance counselor or home room teacher know your struggling. It will help a lot now that they know your situation and are willing to help you work through it.

When I finished school I was still diagnosed with depression and not Bipolar so whatever I did to get through it was most likely dumb luck :lol: That said it wasn't easy for various reasons.

We all do crazy things when we get unhinged and I'm sure now that they know about your situation they understand a little better as to why you did the things you did. If you feel yourself going down that path again, don't send the letter but speak to your therapist about it or write it out and burn/delete it afterwards or even better yet, write it in the vent section of this forum. It helps to get things off your chest and stop it from building up too much and may just help you regain perspective.

You can't change what hasn't happened yet and fearing the worst can easily lead to self fulfilling prophecy. Just take it easy and don't be afraid to reach out when things start getting too much.

Easier said than done, I know.
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by AvantGarde » Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:25 pm

I agree with Stuckles.

You're not alone, we are here for you.

If it helps, before highschool I had a real hard time too. I failed classes, I was rebellious, I did a number of things that I'm not proud of and was sent to live far away from home.

I had a huge depression and psychotic symptoms, but had no one I could count on. When I went to the ER alone, with 16yo, they didn't hospitalize me for lack of beds. I talked to my teachers about it, but didn't have special accomodation either. Nobody really understood back then what it meant to deal with school and have a mental disorder, even if they thought it was just situational depression back then. But you know what? I managed, even feeling like shit I got good grades and even eventually had some fun... and then chose a hippie school to go to highschool, so I could be "free" :lol: I was nuts, but it helped.

You can later choose a college and you'll get help there too.

You have a supporting system, if I could handle those years alone you can handle this for sure. You can ask your therapist for extra support if needed, you can talk to us too.

Hope this helps somewhat.

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My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes

Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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