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pdoc is retiring :(

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by cln1812 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:47 am

I have been slipping toward a depressive state for awhile now. A lot of things are going on in my life that would be difficult for anyone, even someone without mental health issues.

Tuesday I had an appt. with my pdoc, and she informed me she is retiring. I knew someday this news would be coming, but I didn't think just yet! I have been with her since early 2008. I have never seen one pdoc this long.

I don't think I've even seen a dentist or optometrist so long. She is wanting her patients to transition to new doctors. The doctor she recommended to me turns out to work in a town I hate to drive to (heavy traffic, very little opportunities of getting off the road when you are lost, confusing streets; I get panic attacks driving there).

I just don't think going there would be in my best interest. I called a local place I found online, and they said to leave a name and number for a new behavioral health appointment, and someone would get back to you within 72 hr.! Not a huge shock, 72 hours has passed, and no one has gotten in touch with me. My family doctor's practice has recently hired a pdoc, but he is from China (trained in China), and I am not sure how good his English is and if I will feel any sort of connection with him (I'm not prejudiced, but I want a doctor I feel like I can communicate with and who understands me). I made an appointment (of course, the first free one was the end of March).

I found another doctor that has so-so reviews (some love him, some don't) and made an appt. for the end of this month just to see. It is a bit of a distance to drive but those roads I am more comfortable driving on. I don't begrudge my pdoc her retirement; she has always been awesome and deserves to enjoy this time in her life, but it couldn't come at a worse time in my life! I get the feeling she will work with me throughout the year until I find someone who can take over my case, but it's been awful. I am so tired and wanting to sleep all the time and having tons of panic attacks and then having to find a new doctor with all of this. (She did tweak my medication on Tuesday, but it's too soon to notice any results.) This couldn't happen at a worse time for me.

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by cottontail » Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:59 pm

Must be in the stars I just learnt on Wednesday that my pdoc was leaving private practise I nearly died on the spot. Feeling very stressed. No replacement yet but in any case wont be as good as him ... I feel really despondent about it all. :cry:
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by cln1812 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:00 pm

Sorry you’re having the same problem, cottontail. I feel exactly the same way you do. No one else is ever going to be half as good :(
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by Pancake » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:16 pm

Good luck, both of you. Finding new drs is stressful :?
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by Steponme » Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:54 pm

That's rough :( I hope you can find someone who you click with!
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by AvantGarde » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:01 pm

:?

Best of luck, guys.
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by Jemane » Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:05 am

How tough! I’m going to run into that problem sometime in the next few years I imagine. I know it can be hard to find someone but I really believe there are a lot of good docs out there amongst the mediocre ones. Good luck and all the best.
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by Mocha » Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:48 pm

cln1812 wrote:I have been slipping toward a depressive state for awhile now. A lot of things are going on in my life that would be difficult for anyone, even someone without mental health issues.

cln1812, I've been thinking of you recently, how you've been doing. I get things have been going on in your life that have nothing to do without MI. And I'm sorry you've been been slipping into a depressive state for a while now. Never easy.

Tuesday I had an appt. with my pdoc, and she informed me she is retiring. I knew someday this news would be coming, but I didn't think just yet! I have been with her since early 2008. I have never seen one pdoc this long.

oh no!......I can relate, although it wasn't my pdoc. It was my long time neurologist who retired. I had been seeing him for nine years. He had been taking care of my epilepsy before it was under control. He also worked with my pdoc. They worked together, both believing in a link between bipolar, epilepsy, and migraines.

I'm still seeing the same pdoc tg.......he still treats the bp and epilepsy........I can't imagine what I would do without him, or my tdoc.

Good luck with finding a new pdoc that works/clicks for you.

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by cln1812 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:13 pm

Thanks for the support. My pdoc did up my Lamictal though it’s in 2 steps 2 weeks apart. Haven’t noticed anything yet. She gave me the option of adding an AD, but I decided against it. Effexor especially gets my mood up quickly, but then I inevitably slip into mania, and I really don’t need that right now even though the mania always feels so much better. Even my husband without a mental health history is having difficulty with the things going on in our lives right now, so some of this is likely situational. I am praying things get better. He has applied for a new job (he teaches high school but it doesn’t pay enough to keep up with the mortgage even though we live a simple life spending) wise unless I get manic (it’s been 1.5 yr since my last big slip into mania). My MIL just passed away, and our plan had been to go live with FIL and help him out, but my sister-in-law doesn’t want that. She and her husband are spending money like crazy, taking trips, eating out daily, buying horses, all on FIL’s dime. Yet, she insists on maintaining 2 households and a 2nd mortgage instead of moving in with FIL and helping him out, which while it wouldn’t make me happy would at least make some sense financially. We would at least rent or sell our house, and hubby can teach high school in California where the salaries are higher, so we could contribute to the household. I think she has mental health issues too; she quit her job recently, sleeps until like 4 PM and doen’t help FIL with meals or keeping up the house. She just says she prays and God will take care of everything and seems not to want to face reality. Worse, she is a CPA, for crying out loud! Can’t she see what makes sense financially. Hubby thinks she does not want to combine households with FIL to hide things from him, and he is probably right. He knows his sister, and unfortunately FIL is a bit of a pushover. MIL made all their big decisions, and she is gone now, FIL is diabetic and should not just be eating 1 takeout meal a day late in the day. She insists she can care for him better than I can. Yet, I am up every day by 6 AM, get my daughter to school on time, help with homework, see that we all have meals 3 times a day and healthy snacks and try to do some housework regularly. However, she is there in California, and we’re in Texas, so the distance makes it hard for us to do anything for FIL while they burn through his money (SIL has control over his bank accounts and this really worries my hubby). Hoping and praying at least my husband will get the call back for the job he applied to; it wouldn’t make us rich, but we’d manage, and he is a great match for the position. I can’t work with BP. Every time I have tried, I nearly end up in the hospital. Yet we make too much for me to apply for disability and I haven’t worked enough for standard disability. The only possible way I might get disability is having a pdoc sign off on the fact that I can’t work (hard with a new pdoc), divorcing my husband so my income goes to nothing and signing over custody of my daughter completely to him so I won’t have income from child support. And even that is iffy if it would work. So I’m under a ton of stress, worried about the future, and losing my pdoc all in one.
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by Pancake » Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:47 pm

My dumbass internet just lost my carefully thought out reply :cry:

No wonder you are overwhelmed, waaay too much stuff happening. And that sil... :shock: is there no way to stop her spending someone else's money? HORSES??! I bet she's the 'owner' on paper, too. What a piece of work. She obviously doesn't want you there so she can keep this bullshit up.

Fingers crossed for you with the job opportunity. Then you can look for your reference Pdoc in Cali (:
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by cln1812 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:02 pm

Yeah, I know. All this is only from what FIL tells hubby on the phone, so God knows what else she is doing out there. And of course, with the horses, you have to spend money to stable them. Her last horse got so sick, the vet recommended putting it down, but SIL insisted on expensive treatments, including on chiropractic treatments for the horse (God, I think chiropractic treatment would do my fibromyalgia good, but we can’t afford it so I don’t do it). And after tons of money on all that stuff, the horse died anyway. When they take vacations, they stay at fancy hotels. They eat at nice restaurants. On the rare occasion we eat out, it is something like McDonalds, maybe IHOP if someone has a birthday. It is frustrating!

Sadly, my family doesn't have many options to help us. My parents own my late grandparents' 80 acre farm, but because my dad has his own business and they have basically no savings, selling that farm is their retirement. They would let us live with them, but I'm not sure my husband or I could take it. I think my dad is on the autism spectrum (of course, they didn't diagnose it back when he was a kid) and has Aspergers. He is really hard to get along with or converse with; basically, I don't really have a relationship with him because of his all-consuming interest in electronics, mechanics, and physics. When I was in high school, he'd yell at me for reading fiction books and say I should be reading electronic schematics. For crying out loud, now that I'm a parent, I realize any parent should be happy their child wants to read books about anything, be it fiction or nonfiction. And he is extremely loud and also has this hobby of ham radios; you hear them crackling all over the house because his hearing is going, and it drives me and my daughter (who has sensory issues, one of them being to noise) crazy.

There is one possibility of moving in with my grandmother (my mom's mom). She is 84 and lives on her own, but has mentioned she could use some help lately with things like making the bed and keeping the house (my whole childhood, she kept an immaculate house). She has always been like a 2nd mother to me; I spent so much time there growing up. She would let us move in with her, but her place is tiny, maybe 700 sq. feet. Our house is not huge but with a large garage comes to 1400 sq. feet, so it would be downsizing A LOT. Then, after my grandmother passes, the house splits between my mom and 2 aunts. One of the aunts I know would let us live there, and she is the executor of the will and gets to make any final decisions on selling the house and land. The other aunt would want to sell it and get the money immediately. My mom would be on our side, but it would be an ugly feud if we got to buy the house below cost (which I know my executor aunt would do for us, having been in a similar financial situation herself), but my other aunt would hate it. My 2 aunts have always feuded with each other and never gotten along, so that would be a nightmare and lots of drama. I suppose we could rent the house we live in now while my husband teaches out there (the area is booming in growth so he likely could find a teaching position), then come back here once my grandmother passes or has to live in a nursing home. I hate to think of it happening, but she will turn 85 in June, so there is no guarantee on how long she would live. One of my sisters would let us live with them, and they live in a booming area (suburbs off Dallas, TX), but hubby isn't comfortable living with them, and my brother-in-law is the silent type; we hardly know him because he hardly says a word, and my sister has been married to him over a decade! This sister has a large house but also money problems (I think because of her huge house, their fancy new cars, the fact that they buy the newest Apple products the instant they are out) because both she and her husband have high-paying jobs in IT and make over $100,000 a year. My other sister would help if she could, but she has 3 daughters, and her house is full and not huge. There is just no room for us there. So options from my side of the family are very limited. Sigh. Back when we bought our house, hubby had a much better job but got downsized. That has been the story of his career.
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