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I’m mixed

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by Jemane » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:15 pm

Just saw my pdoc after having a really awful weekend (didn’t want to bore you all with it) and he thinks I’m mixed. We’re restarting zyprexa just for now as I’ve been popping oxazepam like nothing else.
Now I understand why I’m feeling so impulsive. Mixed states are awful. I’ve had this once or twice before but this is by far the worst.
I used lifeline on the weekend for support and found it helpful actually. I’m safe but just feeling totally rotten and out of control.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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by Spm24 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:32 pm

Your pdoc restarting the might might be for the best. It might help you get out of your mixed episode.

Your right mixed episodes can be really bad. Neither one nor the other. Being all over the board. Not knowing where you will be the next moment.

Being able to go to lifeline for support is a great thing to be able to do... Something good to be able to have that option.. Safe is always important even when feelings are not where you want them..

Nice flowers for your avatar...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Jemane » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:37 pm

Thanks, they are from my garden.

Thanks mocha for helping me with the avatar!

Just took some zyprexa and I’m already feeling more calm. Somehow got to work this afternoon.
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by MochaAdmin » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:52 pm

I hear ya, Jemane.....mixed states are the absolute worse. I've been there done that. I'm glad you talked to your pdoc and he suggested the Zyprexa. I think you've used it before prn, right? It should help you now. Just give it time to work, I'm sure it won't take all that long.

And I'm not surprised the benzo you were taking just didn't do the trick. I'm also glad you reached out to the lifeline this weekend and it helped. That's what they're there for. Don't hesitate to do it again if you need to.......and don't forget you have us here.

And you're welcome on the avatar. As I told you before, your roses are beautiful.... :)

We love you, girl.....and we're here for you.......sending *air hugs*......

Not a Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob

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by Pancake » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:45 pm

Oh no. Hope it improves soon.

Good luck with work, I hope you have an easy day.

We have roses too! I'm not much of a gardener though, they do an outstanding job of growing themselves :lol:

Yours are lovely.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Dec 10, 2017 8:35 pm

Beautiful roses :) Mine (in front of our building, not planted by me but I like to believe I take care of them) also grow themselves, I just give them a push and cut them before the city hall gardeners cut them, they always do a lousy job.

I'm sorry you're mixed :? Such an awful state to be. Zyprexa should do the trick.
Do you get zombified on zyprexa?
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by hal » Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:07 pm

I've never had mixed, TG, so my heart goes out to you, jemane. In spite of that, you've posted some very helpful and empathetic messages these last couple of days.

I'm glad you were able to get to work. That's a lot.

Are you able to do any running?

{{HUGS}}

P.S. The avatar is beautiful!
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by Jemane » Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:19 pm

Doesn’t tend to zombify me. Tend to find it harder to get up in the morning though. I think I feel more relaxed on zyprexa.
Took some this morning after I saw the pdoc and realised I was a bit sleepy before I went to work. Whoops. Seem to be functioning ok though.
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by MochaAdmin » Mon Dec 11, 2017 7:41 am

I'm glad the Zyprexa seems to be working...... :)

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by Jemane » Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:13 pm

So Day 2 of zyprexa and I’m feeling much less irritated and my thoughts have slowed down. Had a long chat to my husband about how I was going. He has really been struggling with my recent ups and downs. He had a chat to my pdoc (with my permission) which I think helped him better understand what is going on.
I get so worried that he will one day leave me because he can’t handle my mood ups and downs. I know he loves me but I think he’s exhausted. Carer burnout I guess.
To the point that he’s not sleeping much at all.
Makes me want to not tell him how I’m going cause I don’t want to worry him.
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by AvantGarde » Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:18 pm

Your husband should really do therapy on his own. It's the healthiest way to learn how to cope when someone we love has a severe mental illness, to be able to talk about his own feelings regarding it all with someone other than you, for his own mental well being.
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by Jemane » Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:21 pm

Yes that’s true. He also has a similar trauma background to me and he’s never worked through that with anyone before.
He saw a pdoc a couple of times when he didn’t sleep as he was so anxious as we had just bought a house.
He’s never seen a tdoc though. I might suggest it to him. He’s so busy though who knows when he’d actually be able to get to one. (Needs to work on work life balance a lot too)
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by Pancake » Tue Dec 12, 2017 12:01 am

Carer burnout I guess.

Annnnd I'm guessing his circles aren't likely to be any more sympathetic to mental health than yours :roll:

You guys have been through a lot together. You can't replace that kind of connection, but worrying about him also adds to your burden. (Seriously, every time my husband brings up work stress I just want to shut him out because my brain is already too full. It's not fair though. Maybe we need a mediator :lol: )

Ehh... I don't really know what to say, so I'll just send invisible waves of kind thoughts.

There are some tools for carers via beyond blue and other MH organisations, if that's any help.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Dec 12, 2017 12:07 am

There are online therapists too, 50 minutes at the end of a work day once a week, that doesn't take up much time when you think about it, does it? My tdoc does online therapy, is sort of the current fashion in therapy circles now :)

And also, echo what Pan said about it becoming a vicious cycle of unease. Can lead to severe dysfunction in the relationship if not treated..
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:02 am

Saw my tdoc yesterday and to be honest it felt totally useless.
Me “I’ve been really struggling with agitation, feeling totally out of control, rapid thoughts but also have SI”
Her “here are some deep breathing exercises to try.”
Me *tries breathing exercises*
Her “so I’m guessing you’re feeling a lot better now”

Hmmmm... not really. Breathing exercises don’t really cut it when you’re mixed. Need more zyprexa I think...

pdoc is happy with how I’m going especially after sleeping 11 hours last night because of the zyprexa.

Me, well I’m definitely doing better but I think that’s only cause I’m drugged right up.
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by Pancake » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:58 am

*blinks*
If only breathing exercises could fix everything....

If you can't really relate to her, try another one?


How are you doing?
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by Jemane » Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:43 pm

The zyprexa has settled me down quite a lot but I’m still not feeling great.
I’m quite worried about how I’ll be this weekend as my husband and eldest daughter are going away and I’m alone with the younger two and I surprisingly don’t have much on to keep me distracted.
I mean, I’m at the moment I’m safe and everything but I know I’ve been quite impulsive with this mixed mood.
My plan is to call the pdoc if I’m getting any worse.
Somehow have to get through a days work today. So tempted to call in sick.
Thanks for asking pan.
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by Lovehope » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:39 pm

Zyprexa is a great med. I tend to get mixed moods quite frequently and I take zyprexa as a prn.. always seems to calm me within a couple days.

I often wish my husband would get some help regarding how much he has to take care of me too. But he wont.. says he's too busy.. Doesn't need help.. Doesn't want to spend the money... etc etc. If you can get your husband to go to therapy though that would be great. It's a team effort to battle this illness. You don't have to do it alone.

I often do something special for myself when I'm going to be alone for extended periods of time. I hate being alone so I will do something like get my nails done... get sushi and watch a movie... you know... something to make the time seem fun and enjoyable.
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by Lovehope » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:41 pm

Sorry I just read that you are going to be alone with your youngest children. Maybe do something fun and special with them then if you are up for it... sorry I misread your post. I thought you said you were going to be alone
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by Jemane » Thu Dec 14, 2017 4:11 pm

Thanks lovehope. I like the watch a movie idea. I might do that when the kids are in bed. It’s the evenings I’m most worried about when they are asleep.
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