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current episode:mania with psychotic features

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by shandi » Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:56 am

im hospitalised.. ER
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
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by Spm24 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:17 pm

It is for the best... Good for you on deciding to follow through. I'm sure you will get the help you need..
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Pancake » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:26 pm

Good luck!
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by Duckysmom » Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:07 pm

We'll be thinking about you, Shandi. Good luck.
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by shandi » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:25 am

so im already hospitalised since last night. put me on sedatives and some new meds. said that currently im potentionaly violent and if i will not behave on that front i will be transfered to more secure unit
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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by Jemane » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:27 am

I know that sounds a bit scary but I’m glad you’re getting the help you need right now. Well done on having the courage to seek help. You’re amazing. Good luck.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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by shandi » Sat Dec 02, 2017 12:57 am

so far no improvement. im on calm/sedatives meds morning and evening everyday
sleeping a lot. as best as having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep allows me
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:37 am

by AvantGarde » Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:01 am

It's only been a full day, give it some more time.

Sleeping a lot is good, it's an improvement. Means your body is resting.
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by shandi » Sat Dec 02, 2017 7:06 am

well my calm meds dont do jack for me.. having trouble sleeping and staying asleep
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
Posts: 213
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by AvantGarde » Sat Dec 02, 2017 7:28 am

Happened to me too, bunch of dreams and nightmares. It will get better.
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by skizzedkid » Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:41 am

It takes time for all the cogwheels in the machinery to slow down. Give it time, though patience is hard to come by.
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by shandi » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:37 am

took a couple of days of begging for some strong sleep meds.. got approved finaly.also im in a room alone
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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by shandi » Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:15 am

some suprised came by and i have to spend time in actual general hospital.
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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by Pancake » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:25 pm

shandi wrote:some suprised came by and i have to spend time in actual general hospital.

Something happened? Are you ok?
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by Jemane » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:37 pm

Are you ok shandi?
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by shandi » Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:51 am

yea the levels in blood of my new mood sgabiliser went too high and had to br transferred for the night. got probed and needled all my hands..
but im good on that front. back to square one where im realy irritated angry and overall impatient and unease. at least i get a better sleep med. they had a guard watching me in the general hospital
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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by shandi » Fri Dec 22, 2017 2:56 am

3 weeks in and im litteraly not joking the doctors here consider me as a guinea pig for medications that once helped and they want to try them again .. they prevent a crucial treatment that i cant mentaly live without and they prevent it from me causing me a deep emotional and mental turmoil and when i show signs of distress they ask me why i feel like that even when i explained what they are doing to me to all of them and involved every person that has a "pull" on trying to change their mind. nobody got anywere and im in deep emotional turmoil and a guinea pig. 3 weeks here and im already scarred for life from this experience
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
Posts: 213
Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:37 am

by AvantGarde » Fri Dec 22, 2017 3:10 am

Damn shandi, that's terrible. Do you have any idea on what meds you're currently on? They shouldn't be changing meds so often, they have side effects and it takes a while to stabilize and for the initial side effects to pass, they should know this.

I felt like a guinea pig too in the hospital, but I stabilized. Hoping the same thing happens to you, and that they know what they're doing. Just need to have patience.

Are you on diazepam?
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by shandi » Fri Dec 22, 2017 6:32 am

NOPE they are giving me bondormin as a benzodiazepine.. and for calming effect they are giving me "clonazepam. as an antipsychotic they just upped my dose of seroquel from 600 to 700 and started me on valproate got me poisoned from it stopped it started me on lamictal for a few days stopped that too and started me back on tegretol that used to work for a while on a dosage of 1000mg a day and now they want to test if a higher dosage of tegretol is gona work..plus they stopped a very crucial med i take and kick me right into deep depression and threaten me to put me in acute ward because i react with depression to them stopping this crucial med

basicly SEND HELP....... IM UNDERGOING TORTURE AND TURMOIL... im having mental breakdowns almost everyday now
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
Posts: 213
Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:37 am

by AvantGarde » Fri Dec 22, 2017 6:45 am

Shandi, they're changing a lot, but maybe it's because of your reactions to the meds.
You're in the hospital for a reason and I'm sure you'll come out soon enough. I take clonazepam and valproate, and they work. Just give it time.

You need to work with them, play nice. Otherwise they're going to treat you like you don't deserve being treated nicely.

1000mg tegretol is a medium dose, it can still go up.

Doesn't seem that far fetched to me.

You're just feeling locked up and without a say, but that was exactly the reason why you went there anyway, let them do their job.

(In my country you can't go online and ask for help ;))

Be well, honey, you'll be out of there in a heartbeat.
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by shandi » Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:55 am

you dont understand do you.. this is a crucial medication that they are stopping
its not a psychiatric medication
its a medication they have no right to decide to stop and without this medication in the past and currently i cant live with it it causes me deep depression
i explained to them that they are causing me depression
everyone who is a proffesional who is working with me and knows i take this medication and why i take it tried to talk to them they dont want to listen
and im having mental breakdowns because my body no longer has this medication in it and it breaks something important inside my body and they dont care.. and when i had a mental breakdown because i felt the lack of this medication in my body they threatened me even more
ask everyone i know who works with me
those guys arent doing this because they are trying to help me they are doing this because of pure evil they know they are causing harm and they still twist the knife in my soul
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
Posts: 213
Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:37 am

by AvantGarde » Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:58 am

What medication is this?
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

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Never surrender your freedom of being to the veridict of those who are strangers to your inner workings
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by shandi » Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:03 am

im a person who is transgender.. i take hormones to change my body from male-female
now their claim is this hormones play a role in my instability [note i was completely stable in the last 4 months with zero extreme ups or downs
i had ups and downs even before i started taking these hormones
and ok sure i admit that these hormones have a little [and little i mean little] effect of the emotional state not specificly on the mood state
and even if it does destabilises me what choice do i have in life to not take these? my mood and mental state depends on taking these regardless of my bipolar if i dont take these my body goes back to be 100% male and i feel shit with my body being male
i explained it to them my parents explained it to them my social worker/counselor and their boss explained it to them and they dont care that by preventing these hormones from me they are doing more damage then good
i think a very difficult thing to do is accepting that i cant promise everyone that unwell behaviors would never occur again
shandi
 
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:37 am

by AvantGarde » Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:12 am

What the fuck? They took your hormones?!

I don't know how hormones work, but I know they can cause instability. But they should never do it without your consent.

Be smart about it. Kicking and screaming and pleading won't get you anywhere.
I actually had to pretend to be okay to get out of the hospital, if you need to do the same so be it.

Edit to add that I highly doubt hormonal replancement causes mania with psychosis. Might be a myriad of factors, but basically because shandi has BP she will have the occasional mania, and the occasional psychosis. Her gender and choice of gender should have nothing to do with it.
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by hal » Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:01 am

This is outrageous. They're striking at the heart of who you are. Are they doing it for ideological reasons?
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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