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Trigger warning- SI: Just need to vent..

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by jessimeow » Wed Nov 22, 2017 5:59 pm

I feel like all the liquid had been drained beneath my skin and replaced with a layer of static. It hurts. I just want the pain to stop. I almost did "it" tonight. I say it a lot but I felt it this time. I lost control of my words and actions. Except I wasn't even there this time. I was so far behind the shell of my own eye sockets I couldn't even hear myself. I didn't feel anything at all. Not even a little. Not one emotion. I still don't. I'm trying to tell myself I will feel okay tomorrow but right now I just want to quit. I don't want tomorrow I'm just sick of hurting and destroying myself and everyone around me. Why am I like this. I just want the pain to stop. I can't even hear, my head can't focus on anything but this feeling.. or lack thereof.
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by Spm24 » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:20 pm

I have felt that pain before. It is not fun.

If your that deep down you need to really look at going to the hospital. It sounds like this has been going on for sometime. You should talk to your pdoc about adjusting your meds to even out those feelings. But seriously when your that deep down in despair you need to go to the hospital and take care of yourself. It is never easy....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by jessimeow » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:46 pm

Thank you. I'm actually not on any medication currently. My insurance cancelled so I haven't been able to see a doctor in a while. My husband is here and won't let me out of his sight. I feel guilty for what I'm putting him through. For basically no reason other than how I feel.
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by Lisa » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:54 pm

In my state, if you turn yourself into a mental health facility and explain that you are suicidal, they can admit you, insurance or not.
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