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by Nigeo6564 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 11:04 pm

Hi there good people out there!
I have not been active for the last couple of months on this group as I felt that things have been going so good for me....
The last 2 weeks I have been coming down from feeling so good...

I have been experiencing episodes where I feel like I was drowning in sorrow BUT I cannot show this....
My husband has been my greatest supporter so far and since things have been going so great he is so pleased...
In May this year I saw my doctor and whilst it was going so good he took some meds away and I had adjustments to do...It went GREAT!!! Up until 2 weeks ago...

Now, my problem for the last 2 weeks is as follow...

While I was going through this year earlier on I had a HUGE depression state for about 2 weeks where things was going horribly wrong and south!! My husband had his hand full with me as I was constantly crying and depressed to such a level that I considered the "other" route out....that time he begged me not to take that route and that he loved me and that he will go through this with me...with help from my dear husband and my doctors I managed to get through it...after that May happened and I was doing GREAT!!
And since May it has really been going so good for me...

The last 2 weeks I can feel my moods going down and even though I have ups and down in the last2 weeks I can feel I am spiralling down...
Now...here is the problem....
My husband went through so much that time that I don't now if I can put him through this again!! I would rather try and wait it out but I cant put him through this again...I feel so sorry for him....it is very hard on him...like he explained that he loves me so much and he never want to loose me and he hates seeing me going through this...

I don't know what to do....I am trying to keep up appearance and I make sure I take my meds, but it seems like it is not helping the down fall...

Please can you give some advise as to how you approach your loved ones...what do you say how do you handle it?? What your loved ones reactions were if you have you second or third downfall for the year...do they get angry...do they get numb to you?? Do you even approach your loved ones??I just need some opinions...

Please help me...
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by AvantGarde » Sun Nov 19, 2017 11:13 pm

Hi Nigeo, welcome back.

This time of year is notorious for instability. I hope you're dealing with this with your pdoc, if you're not, it's time for it.

The trick I learned this year, and maybe an unpopular opinion like many of mine are, is to keep it low, don't freak out every time I have an episode of either extremes, that will just brew more instability around me, leaves everyone winded up.
I think it's fairly safe to say that we will have this illness as long as we live, so we need to adjust to it in our lives. If we dramatize every up or down, we will live in perpetual emotion instability, as well as mood, and we need to keep calm to deal with all this stuff. That way, we don't let our loved ones freak out either.

Not to say you shouldn't take it seriously, it is very serious. But dealing with it calmly with pdoc and tdoc will be much better for your overall sense of gratification over dealing with the disorder.

Now, for the regular advice: Call your pdoc and tdoc, don't let it drag along.
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by Jemane » Mon Nov 20, 2017 12:15 am

I know the dilemma. Do I try to look like everything is fine when it’s not or do I be honest with my long suffering husband?
He lives in fear I’ll take another overdose so gets anxious whenever I tell him I’m feeling down. He gets even more anxious when I’m up cause he knows there’s a down to follow. He even went to his family doctor this week to debrief about me being up cause he was finding it so stressful.
I really think though that it’s alwaus best for me to be honest about how I’m going. He’s my best and most amazing support. He needs to know. He would also want me to be honest and I owe it to him to be.
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by Nigeo6564 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:27 am

Thank you so much AvantGarde, I am so glad for this forum, I am happy to be back as previously, you guys have heklped me....I hear you and I understand what you are saying....
Jemane , thank you for your reply.... it seems like you have been in my position before...
My problem is I don't get highs...I am just normal and then all of a sudden I get this severe low.

This time around I can feel the low coming, it is happening slowly. Shitty things like don't want to get up, don't want to go to work, don't want to take a bath (but I do because I have to go to work) don't feel in the mood for cooking and would grab any opportunity to sleep...I just want to sleep and not face the day...BUT...because I have not been open with my husband (yet) I cannot allow any of these to appear otherwise he will most certainly know what is going on....

I just want to spare him the trouble, spare him the stress.....I don't want him to get negative because we are going down THAT road again...

I am seeing my doctor December for my 6 months check up, and my husband always goes in with me, so I am hoping this will pass before we get there so that I don't have to discuss this with the doctor....

I think one of the main reasons why I feel so sorry for my husband is because I have a friend who's husband is bipolar and when he goes through these dips she always talks to me, and knowing what she feel, I know what my husband feels... that is why I am so sensitive to his feelings....

I am always the person that tries and help others, and in the mean time neglect myself, and when it comes to myself I would rather take others feelings in consideration and rather stuff my feelings down...
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by Spm24 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:33 am

I don't know if your husband is as perceptive as my wife is. It she an usually pick up on my moods even when I try to hide it. If she does not pick up on the signs I usually wait a little while to let her know. That way I know it is not just normal emotions. She has told me she would rather know and have that worry then to find out another way.

If he handled a bad episode already than he knows what to expect. But maybe he can do something to help keep you from falling even lower.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Nigeo6564 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 4:28 am

thank you for your input Spm24....

At the moment we have do much going on in our home because my small bother stays with us (A whole different really screwed up situation), so it keeps everyone busy...

I suppose I might be really freaked out if he already knew before I told him...

My husband is really good for me, I just don't want to stress him out, he is so good for me that I don't think he deserves that...

I don't know if I am making sense at all...maybe I am wrong....
When life knocks you down to your knees, you are in the perfect position to get help!
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:17 am

You make perfect sense. You want to shelter him from seeing the bad stages of this disorder. To not let him see you hurting.

But if it goes on long enough he will figure it out would be my guess. It is totally up to you to either tell him or let it go... Just look at it in reverse. Would you rather know when something is going on with your husband or be kept in the dark..Just food for thought...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Mocha » Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:05 am

Good to see you again, and we're glad you posted.

I was just wondering why you only see your pdoc every six months? Sure is a long time between seems to me. And are you in therapy?

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by Lisa » Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:07 am

Nigeo6564 wrote:My problem is I don't get highs...I am just normal and then all of a sudden I get this severe low.


Nigeo6564 wrote:Hi there good people out there!
I have not been active for the last couple of months on this group as I felt that things have been going so good for me....
The last 2 weeks I have been coming down from feeling so good...


Is this not manic for you, Nigeo6564?

Apologies if this is too personal, I am trying to recognize my own episodes from other's experiences. And I feel that this would be my manic high dropping to guilt, depression, and fear, which leads me back here to you knuckleheads XD

When I last went through this, I called my pdoc to get my meds adjusted, Nigeo6564. I see him every 6 months unless I feel a change coming on, he adjusts my meds and I see him the following month. If I'm stable, it's a visit in 4 months, and then 6 months. But... my pdoc is way perceptive... I don't even know what I say to him most of the time... I'll be seeing a therapist in January for the 2nd time in my life LOL I've been told to take a notebook XD

Hang in there, your husband loves you =] He cannot be perfect, so you do for him as he does for you, all in the spirit of love. Welcome back =]
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by Nigeo6564 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:31 pm

Hi dear friends....it really is so good to be back!! I don't think I realised what a great forum this is and how much help you can get by asking or just reading others experiences...thank you for listening to me....we are so far apart but you guys feel so close...so understanding...

Spm24, thinking about what you said makes me feel even more guilty...you are right if the positions were different I would want to know what is going on with him... you are 100% correct...

Hi Mocha, it is so good to hear from you...thank you for taking the time to help...in the beginning I used to see my doctor every 3 months, and the consultation would be and hour or so...chatting and assessments done by him......according to how it went he would adjust my meds. In May this year I saw him and things were going so good that he recommended me seeing him only every 6 months, UNLESS something happens and I feel the need to see him or feel that I need a meds change...I am beginning to think that maybe that was not such a good thing...I don't see psychiatrist regularly because of my job...time is what is the problem...we work on a project (Engineering) outside of our town, so to travel to town during the day for an appointment is virtually impossible...I have learned over the last year to go without it...I don't know if this is why I am having again some up and downs...

Hi Lisa....reading your story makes me wonder if I maybe miss understand the situation...I always thought that you get 2 types of bipolar, one mania and one depression...I am understanding this correctly or not...maybe I have it wrong...does it mean that mania is when you starting to spiral down being depressed...or is mania being in such a good mood and then falling into depression...perhaps I have it all wrong..... Please can you elaborate....or anyone else...it would be of great help...

I don't think my doctor has explained this to me before....
When life knocks you down to your knees, you are in the perfect position to get help!
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:40 pm

Nigeo, BP has two types. Type I, which includes both mania and depression - mostly mania, mostly depression, or both rapid cycling and mixed episodes. And type II, hypomania and depressions, mostly depressions or mostly hypomania.

There are other types, such as the mixed type, which is basically only periods of mixed episodes.

And other types that I now forget.
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by Nigeo6564 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:50 pm

That is more r less how I understood it...I have type 2...but more depression than hypomania.... :)
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