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Bad person or manic?

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by Alison » Wed Nov 15, 2017 12:49 pm

Hi guys. Me-diagnosed about 6 months ago. Wondering- when u start to learn about BP and u look back at your past...how can u tell if you're just a really bad, unfaithful person or if it could have been a bipolar issue? My tdoc has me looking back a lot to look forward but I'm just not sure what I think of myself...
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by Jemane » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:18 pm

I think bipolar usually effects is for many years before we are diagnosed so I would say it’s highly likely a lot of it is bipolar.
Regardless, will blaming yourself by for the past help you move on into the future? If you keep blaming yourself you’ll never be able to move on. Sounds like the tdoc might need to do some more work with you around this.
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by Pancake » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:26 pm

I doubt you are a bad person.

It can be hard to work out what was/is BP and what isn't, but if you're thinking wow, that was bad, and regretting stuff that you wouldn't do now, it was probably the BP talking. Bad decision-making is a thing, yeah? You get a limited pass. You still have to accept any fallout that resulted, but you don't have to beat yourself up over it. A bad person wouldn't regret, yeah?
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by Lisa » Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:43 pm

Pancake wrote:Bad decision-making is a thing, yeah? You get a limited pass. You still have to accept any fallout that resulted, but you don't have to beat yourself up over it. A bad person wouldn't regret, yeah?


Very nicely said =]
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by Mocha » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:29 pm

Alison, I think we all have regrets for our past and the way we lived our lives before we were dx'd and medicated.....and before we were in therapy. That's just normal. and yes, at times we feel guilty as hell. But that doesn't mean we were 'bad' people, no matter what kind of mistakes we may have made. And believe me I made some doozies. Most of us have, and the stories we could tell. You're not alone.

Keep working with your therapist and you'll learn to forgive yourself and that's what it's all about.

I also had to go back and look at my past in order to move forward, like your tdoc mentioned. Believe me it was worth it. Not always easy, but again what worked for me.

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by AvantGarde » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:53 pm

There's a difference between owning up to our mistakes of the past and dwelling in misery because we think of ourselves as bad people, regardless if we have a mental illness or not. One path brings change in the future, more self control. The other will make you think that this disorder somehow has more power over you than it really has, because it makes "you" or something.

Between others' ideas of what is right and wrong, societal judgements and values, we that dwell in the grey areas of life, pushing boundaries when we're not exactly stable, need to define what is right and wrong for us and live by those values. I think that's the most important step when we're facing this issue that you're facing now.

Doing bad things when you're unstable doesn't mean you're a bad person, but mental illness doesn't exclude responsability.

Don't mean to sound preachy and extra-super-duper-repetitive, but it needs to be said. I do think the healthiest way I found with my particular problem of excessive guilt was to own up to my actual mistakes, regardless if I have a mental illness or not. I thought, what would I do if I didn't have a mental illness? Would I find a soft spot to hide or, in order not to repeat them, I would need to own up to them?

In this situation, of infedility, there's also the other person to think about. The impact on the relationship, etc. I don't think it's a case of extreme "good person/bad person" paradox, it lays more on a grey area like I said above. One reason is mental illness, the other is what brought it on. And the impact it has on the other person, since they're the actual victims of this, is most likely what defines our idea of us being good or bad people, making us the victim when we're not?

If we learn early on to play the victim because of the Gods' cards that we're dealt in life, it's more likely that we will think that whatever this disorder brings we won't be able to tackle appropriately. When we really can.

Well, just my perspective. Sorry if it's too harsh.
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by Pancake » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:54 pm

In this situation, of infedility, there's also the other person to think about. The impact on the relationship, etc.

Oh man, I was just trying to contradict you but then I realised you probably mean regarding our own relationships, and maybe projecting a little. Cos damn sure I'm not taking on the responsibility of the guy I slept with at work whose marriage subsequently broke up. I'm responsible for *my* actions, not his :roll:

*Cough* sorry Alison. Back to you... AG describes things very well, I think.
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by AvantGarde » Wed Nov 15, 2017 11:04 pm

:lol: No, the marriage, the husband! Not anyone extra we slept with for sure.

The ones who are at no fault, I mean.

In my cheating situation, both me and the boyfriend cheated, so I don't feel guilty at all.
My guilts are about other stuff.
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by cottontail » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:21 am

Ahhh yes the feeling guilty of past actions or even a current slip up ... I am refusing to dwell on them because they were in the past when I was sick. Many would like to bring them up (and do) but I refuse to be drawn into it. Why? Because I was sick. As simple as that.
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by Mom2dani » Thu Nov 16, 2017 4:36 am

AvantGarde wrote: One path brings change in the future, more self control. The other will make you think that this disorder somehow has more power over you than it really has, because it makes "you" or something.



Doing bad things when you're unstable doesn't mean you're a bad person, but mental illness doesn't exclude responsability.



If we learn early on to play the victim because of the Gods' cards that we're dealt in life, it's more likely that we will think that whatever this disorder brings we won't be able to tackle appropriately. When we reallycan




These couple of paragraphs of AG are spot on to me. During my marriage I had thoughts I should not have had and in a couple of incidents I acted on them. I could have gone further with these reckless acts but the fact I was inebriated and had friends around me that kept me from going too far, I too believe it was a BP episode. The alcohol the possible going too far.

I’ve taken responsibility for this regardless of this disorder, I was recently dx’d after years of misdiagnosis. I won’t let BP define me though. I did those things, I shouldn’t have but the past can’t be changed. But like AG said I won’t let it make me believe I can not tackle what comes next. Guilt and regret are there, believe me but I do believe the actions I’ve made in the past, I can not make again and I will learn.
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by hal » Thu Nov 16, 2017 5:36 pm

AG, that was a beautiful, heartfelt piece of writing. 8-)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by AvantGarde » Thu Nov 16, 2017 9:38 pm

Thank you hal, I try to be helpful and coherent at the same time :) (Infidelity has a typo, but I'm not going to correct it)
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