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chronic depression

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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:43 pm

hi.......i am currently trapped in a depression that has been going on for 8 months, i have been through three medication changes, the last combination was so bad i wound up in hospital......im waiting on a psychiatrist appointment, its taking so long, there's a waiting list.....finding it so hard to stay afloat and am really hoping so much that new medicine will bring relief but am worried it will go the way the others have gone this far.........im so tired, finding it so difficult to cope....its been so long, not living, just holding on....bipolar depression at its wort is so hard to beat, ive been losing to it for a long time now and am near exhausted.....i want to be alive again this constant pain is breaking me
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by hal » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:54 pm

Hi pablo8, I'm so sorry you feel so bad. Bipolar depression sucks. All of us have had experience with it, maybe not so bad as you. But you're very welcome to our community, and I hope you'll stay.
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:07 pm

thank you very much, i appreciate the welcome, sometimes having a place to be able to express feelings is so important......thank you kindly
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:20 pm

pablo8,

Welcome to the forum. You will find others who have went through similar experiences as you have. Make yourself at home. Share with us your journey....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:28 pm

thank you for the welcome.....i appreciate it
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by Lisa » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:32 pm

Do you have a therapist you can speak to for coping strategies? Hopefully your pdoc will get the meds right soon. Hang in there, Pablo8!
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:38 pm

thankyou for your encouragement....my gp is getting me a psychiatrist referral, there is a waiting list so i dont know how long i will have to wait for an appointment.... i hope it is soon, i need some relief im so tired.......thank you again, i shall hang in there
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:51 pm

It is hard having to wait to see a pdoc. It seems to be forever, but once you see one it is such a relief.

Is your GP prescribing your meds or did the hospital doctors prescribe them? What meds are you on now?
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:25 pm

i am on seroquel and mirtazapine, prescribed by the hospital doctor, i have been on them for 4 months and they have done nothing at all for my depression...... im just hanging on, tired and tearful all the time without respite, i hope so much that a medication that can help comes soon as i am really exhausted, 8 months is a lifetime in bipolar depression time.......feel like im hanging on by a thread
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:04 pm

Eight months is a long time to handle it all. Hanging on by a thread is something I am familiar with. It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. At least you can use that as a positive. Look for as many positives that you can..

I was only on Seroquel for a couple of weeks myself due to side effects.

But meds work differently for us all so hopefully you can find some that work for you soon.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:18 pm

thanks for your encouragement.........i really hope a suitable course of medication comes soon, i'm really at wits end. medication changes are frightening and terribly slow and uncertain as anyone who has ever been where i am now would know, it's the not knowing if a medication will work that i find the hardest, and knowing that it will take months before it is known what the outcome will be............thankyou again and best wishes to you
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by hal » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:31 pm

pablo8 wrote:it's the not knowing if a medication will work that i find the hardest, and knowing that it will take months before it is known what the outcome will be.
That is the hardest, believe me, we know.

Have you experienced any manic highs? How did you get your diagnosis of bipolar disorder?
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by dubious66 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:42 pm

pablo8 wrote:i am on seroquel and mirtazapine, prescribed by the hospital doctor


I may have missed it, but how long were you in the hospital? What dosages were you on when you left? Were you given instructions to increase? (Maybe you got to treatment levels while in the hospital, depending on how long you were there for.)

Not doctors but we are always curious :)
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:54 pm

i was in hospital for two weeks, my medication has been increased since then but there has been no improvement
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by dubious66 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:00 pm

pablo8 wrote:i was in hospital for two weeks, my medication has been increased since then but there has been no improvement


Dosages?
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:01 pm

90 mg mirtazapine 300mg quetiapine
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by dubious66 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:10 pm

pablo8 wrote:90 mg mirtazapine 300mg quetiapine

Well, harrumph...

Did you say you were therapy? If so, any helpful strategies from that? If you aren't in therapy, you still might want to think about babysteps to try to improve things. What do your days look like?

BTW, I get relentless depression, but it does give up its hold eventually.
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:26 pm

i was seeing a psychologist until recently, will hopefully be seeing another one soon, it has been of some help, being able to talk was something, no relief but something....i feel i know myself and my states of mind having been through many ups and downs over the years.....i feel right now, being in the grips of this very long bout of chronic depression that without finding a medication combination that works for me i shall remain where i am, it has such a grip on me and has had for such a long time that things that have helped in the past are not working at all.......i am hanging on, not living but hanging on only...each day is the same as the last, my depression is constant and relentless......with the right medication i know i can live a normal life i have done so in the past......right now that possibility feels very far away, but im clinging to the hope that it will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, i am near being totally exhausted......
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by dubious66 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:52 pm

pablo, it really sucks when what has worked in the past suddenly doesn't. I am pretty cocky about my own rides, but after 25 years, I had one that screwed with me for two frickin' years, seemed like just to prove it could. Eventually landing on lamictal, bupropion and seroquel combined with me acknowledging I needed to do some things differently, it backed off.

Beauty of bipolar? It's by definition supposed to be episodic. Based on your own description, you know this is going to end. Unfortunately, it looks like this depression decided it was booking an extended stay but it will leave. Hopefully, you will get in to a pdoc soon...
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:17 pm

thanks for the encouragement and good to hear you have found a combination that helps you out.....feels like a lottery......it really does suck that my meds stopped working, didn't know how lucky i was that my meds sustained me until now. i would do anything to get back to where i was.....thanks again i appreciate your words.....
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by Lisa » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:52 pm

Pablo, there's a rant thread if you think it would help to scream/complain about it, we all have threads there. Please feel comfortable =]
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:54 pm

hi there what is the rant thread please
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:25 pm

i have been trapped in this depression im stuck in for so long i cannot see a way out,,,,,,,,nothing is soon enough relief is nowhere to be found, im forced to wait for treatment while i feel i cant wait another day.....i have no private health insurance or money to pay for a psychiatrist so i am at the mercy of the public health service and long waiting lists. the constant waiting and uncertainty is torture, i feel like im losing my mind, depression is systematically striping me of all that i am, i am strong i have weathered many storms in the past but none as total as the one im in now. the days are long and i have no end in sight....bipolar depression at its worst is completely invasive, it leaves no space for rest and respite......i am exhausted at wits end and damned near broken........dark and long are these days.......
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:59 pm

hi pablo, welcome.

I just want to say I'm sorry you're such in a lousy place, but listen to what dub said, it's espisodical and will pass.
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by pablo8 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:02 pm

thank you for your encouragement i appreciate it and will do my best............thank you kindly
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