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Mind racing but numb

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by Duckysmom » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:13 pm

How can my mind be racing but numb at the same time? Like everything is there but nothing is there. I feel damn near catatonic. My daughter is having some serious problems and there's nothing I can do to help her. And it's killing me, breaking my heart, pushing me over the edge. Crying at dinner. Barely able to talk when I'm not crying. Just staring into outer space and my mind racing but the thoughts so jumbled that my brain is feeling numb. I don't know if any of this is making sense. Even my benzo hasn't helped.
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by Spm24 » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:26 pm

Duckysmom,

Damn I'm sorry your still having such a tough time. You have went through so much the past few months. It is unfair. Wish I could say abracadabra and it was all better for you...

It makes sense at times I have sat there numb to everything staring off into space yet my mind was racing but unable to stop long enough to have a coherent thought...

Only thing I have is this.... HUG
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.By me
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by Mocha » Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:02 pm

Duckysmom wrote:How can my mind be racing but numb at the same time? Like everything is there but nothing is there. I feel damn near catatonic. My daughter is having some serious problems and there's nothing I can do to help her. And it's killing me, breaking my heart, pushing me over the edge. Crying at dinner. Barely able to talk when I'm not crying. Just staring into outer space and my mind racing but the thoughts so jumbled that my brain is feeling numb. I don't know if any of this is making sense. Even my benzo hasn't helped.

Sorry to hear of your daughter's problems, Ducky. I know how much you worry about her.

Have you talked to your tdoc lately? If not maybe it's time to give him/her a call?
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by Duckysmom » Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:21 pm

I saw my tdoc last week. She's out of town this week. Pdoc and tdoc appts both next week. I'm going to try to meditate before bed and go to bed early. I was ok until I talked to her on the phone and she was telling me how bad it is. And there's nothing I can do for her to help. I feel like a failure as a mother once again.

Shawn, thanks for the hug.
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by Mocha » Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:27 pm


I'm glad you'll have your appts next week.
I'm sorry your daughter is having troubles, Ducky.

But you certainly aren't a failure as a Mom. You've done everything for your daughter.

She's a grown woman now. Whatever is going on is on her and she'll figure out a way to deal with it. Right now it sounds as though you need to take care of you.

Love and *air* hugs.....
.
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by Pancake » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:12 pm

Ha! Ducky from what you have heard from you, your daughter is one hella stubborn, strong-willed woman. Definitely no fail there.

Hope you got a good rest or at least feel a little improved after some sleep.
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by AvantGarde » Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:26 pm

I agree that your daughter is strong, we all go through tough times and they always pass, you can help her morale and be there for her and that sometimes is enough.

A big hug.

Regarding the numbness and racing thoughts, I get like that when I'm mixed. Anhedonia and racing thoughts
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by Duckysmom » Tue Mar 21, 2017 3:40 am

Not great but better afyer a full night's sleep. Depression just under the surface. Can't think straight but at work hoping I can function all day anyway. Still feeling helpless as a mom. My daughter is a strong young woman which makes hearing her sounding so defeated and anxious even harder. Thanks for the hugs and support. Wish my tdoc wasn't on vacation this week.
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by Duckysmom » Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:34 am

Really woth I had brought my headphones to work to block oit the world.
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by Spm24 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:36 am

Duckysmom,

How has work went for you today?

Feeling any better?
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.By me
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by Duckysmom » Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:38 am

Day is dragging. I don't want to be here. Rather be in bed with the covers over my head.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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by Spm24 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:40 am

Duckysmom,

I know what you mean... Being comfortable in a blanket helps.

When not feeling great the day does seem to drag out forever..

Hope you feel better once you get home and can relax...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.By me
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by Duckysmom » Tue Mar 21, 2017 1:22 pm

Finally home. Ignoring Auntie and curling up in my favorite throw and napping. Took my benzo and trying to relax.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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by Spm24 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 1:45 pm

Duckysmom,

Take it easy, relax and let the stresses of the day trail away..
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.By me
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by Duckysmom » Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:32 pm

So now I have to deal with Bill being angry at my daughter because I am stressing/obsessing/depressed over what's going on with her and it's not her fault I'm bipolar and have issues with stress. All his anger is doing is pushing me further down and away from him. I don't want to stop talking to him and sharing my feelings, and I don't want to fake it with him like everything is fine either. I don't think I could fake it anyway. So now what? It feels like my support system is falling apart. He never had kids of his own. He doesn't understand or have aclue about the connection between parent and child. She's not asking me for anything. She just needs her mom right now to listen and be there. My emotional response is not her fault. I'd give anything to not be BP1 and just be a regular mom.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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