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Values and preferences in being healthy

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by AvantGarde » Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:33 am

Hello, Philosopher's Corner, it's been two months already, time for a post.

I've been thinking a lot about my past, traumas, relationships and most of all, responsibility or not over things that happened. It's often the case that we feel shame and regret over things that were not our responsibility at all, or that we weren't ready or emotionally mature enough to handle, or (regarding the context of this forum) we were in altered states of mind either by hypomania, mania or depression, addictions, impulsivity in self harm, suicidal ideation/attempts, etc.

I struggle a lot, on a daily basis, with the idea that I do have some responsibility over my actions when in those states. I can go from "I have no responsibility at all, I'm mentally ill", "It's all their fault, what happened to me was a consequence of their evil" to "It's my entire responsibility and I need to fix it" :roll: :lol: I think the truth lays somewhere in the middle in most situations.

Although it's true that some things that happen to us is the entire responsibility of others or unforseable circunstances (child abuse and extreme unpredictable mood swings come to mind), most things in our adulthood we have some slight responsibility over them.

In the early stages of an episode we can act on curbing it so it won't cause us problems, as we do have some responsibility in what substances we use and abuse and the consequences they might have to our health and to the lives of people around us, and even, after abusive relationships where we tend to pathologize the abuser with some issue and attribute all of what happened as their fault, when sometimes we do, on purpose, neglect the red flags we're shown in order to fulfill some kind of void that we can't seem to fill on our own. This is not about blame, but about self respect and self esteem, really.

I was reading articles on hypersexuality and love addiction, and came across a blog that mentioned making a list of the things we value in others and preferences before starting a new relationship after years of unhealthy relationships, so that we have the possibility of healthier relationships. Makes sense, but it's sort of reducionist, it again puts the emphasys on others rather than on our own value and self worth. It crossed my mind that the most important thing to the fulfillment of this emotional void of responsibility over our actions, is the relationship we have with ourselves and how we uphold those core values within our selves and how we deal with the fact that we don't always match the perfect version of us that we would like to maintain, making our preferences change a lot according to the situation presented, the mood we're in, or if we drank that day or not.

This all comes down to self-worth and self-esteem. It's something I severely lack, and I know it won't fall on deaf ears here, because just for having MI our self esteem is severely bruised. I don't really have answers, this is just a ponder. If I did I would be a zen spiritual guru :lol:

All of these thoughts struck me as I was reading that blog post and thought that my core values for life, what I allow and don't allow in my life anymore or the way I treat others as examples, have a lot more to do with my actual preferences and dreams of life, much more than I gave them credit for before.

So, the moral of this ponder is, taking meds and therapy seriously, ourselves seriously, our values in life seriously, getting really involved in having a healthy relationship with ourselves, and hence with others.

Thoughts are always appreciated. Slept really badly so I don't really know if any of this makes sense :o
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by mom6 » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:48 am

What I am wondering after that very heavy post, is what DO you value in your life? Number them. Then order everything in your life around number one. You never actually give us the list. Let us know you a little more. No judging here, If you are comfortable.
Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows fall behind you-Walt Whitman (mostly)
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by AvantGarde » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:59 am

Have to think about it, will get back to you on that :)

This is the philosopher's corner though, I'm allowed to wonder in the midst of uncertainty :lol:
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