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by Alison » Fri Jun 16, 2017 3:14 pm

Sorry if this is in the wrong place. I know mostly everyone seems to have some sort of adjustment time once diagnosed. I get that. But has anyone noticed that after they got diagnosed that you see more BP in yourself than you did before?

I ask for a lot of reasons but mainly because I'm still trying to convince myself and my husband that this is real. I try to blame the issues on other things. My husband sees that I have been better on the meds and I feel better a lot of times but he is generally an ass and has me doubting right along with him. It seems like all the meds and moods make it look like as soon as I was diagnosed I almost took on the BP persona. Does that make any sense to anyone?

My concern is all the learning and therapy and work over the past few months has fit me into a box that I don't know if I belong in. And as boxes go, you guys are the best company I could ask for by the way :)

I think I'm just thinking too much I don't know.
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by Spm24 » Fri Jun 16, 2017 3:25 pm

Alison,

I am just like you I notice that I see more and more things that I can attribute to BP. I am sure at times I see normal things as being BP. But I am sure we all do that from time to time... So sometimes it is good to give yourself a break with thinking. Yeah I know it is hard to do but once you have a bit of time under your belt it makes it easier....

But to answer your question. Yes I see more BP in myself..in things that happen....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by hal » Fri Jun 16, 2017 4:39 pm

Alison, this is a normal thing, not just with BP. Once you have an idea in your mind about anything, you notice it everywhere. Please don't worry too much about it. 8-)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
-- Tennyson
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by Blake's Poisontree » Sun Jun 18, 2017 6:27 pm

It can get a little confusing because you are now aware of things you didn't previously know existed within yourself. I'm not always sure if what I do or say is bipolar influenced or just a normal reaction. I'm definitely more aware of what I say or do, but I also tend to question things I never used to worry about. A normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
I don't have a God complex, God is not this complex.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:22 pm

Hey Alison, this makes perfect sense actually. I've felt it too.

I've been in the borderline box and saw borderline in me, the schizophrenia box the same, then the schizoaffective box the same thing, then the bipolar-for-sure box hit it right in the head, then the might-be-CPTSD-afterall box makes perfect sense for now. :lol: :roll:

What really matters is the symptoms I have, not the label I've been attributed. That means that all the things in those boxes that are taken for granted, such as learned behaviours that are "for sure" from the disorders, start or stop making sense when the box changes. We aren't seen as people with conditions and self-conditioning, we are seen as pathological cases and because of that we are attributed to certain boxes and, hence, to their content. Take anger for example, it's for some considered a symptom of BP, but everyone has it.

What you're feeling it's what I feel too, the "I don't belong in any box but I have at least some of the content" feeling. It can be confusing because it's the norm for most of the current medical teams to pathologize us, disregarding that we're full persons with issues besides the labels we've been attributed.

It's okay though, if you need to feel like you belong than eventually you'll feel that. If you are more like me and don't belong anywhere, it's okay too. The company here is what matters, and of course treating the symptoms.

:)
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by Jemane » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:08 am

I think I've felt the same Alison.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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by Jemane » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:10 am

Whoops... pressed post too early.
I find when I'm hypomanic (once I work out I'm hypomanic) that I wonder how much of it is me actually being it or me 'becoming' it. Don't know if that makes sense.
I don't doubt my diagnosis though as I have a great pdoc who I really trust who is very sure that I'm bipolar.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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