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Self compassion and acceptance

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by AvantGarde » Fri May 19, 2017 12:47 am

Hello, Philosopher's corner, here I am again.

I've come today to speak about this thing called Self compassion and how it can be positive for our acceptance of ourselves.

I was reading this morning about psychological assymetry, which means we often see ourselves worse than others, more perverse, with dirtier minds, quircks and little annoyances that others keep hidden. Well, we all have them, and failure in recognizing this can lead to an absurd amount of self-loathing, which is not healthy for our minds. Another idea is that since we have a mental illness we are somewhat inferior to others and susceptible to all kinds of abuses, this certainly plays a role in our subconscious and how we see ourselves. All of this, in this society of competitiveness, can surely damage us.

Most of us are lucky enough to have therapists, that listen to our troubles and reassure us that it's not that bad, but in times of depression our minds play those tricks on us that tells us how inferior we are, how we don't deserve the nice things we've accomplished and all of that. Cognitively speaking, it can be healthy for us to develop coping mechanisms for those times. And here is where self compassion and acceptance come into play, especially if we practice it on a daily basis, even when we don't have those symptoms.

As is my experience, it can also help when we're feeling grandiose. We know we're feeling grandiose and it can help it calm down a notch. It's just a part of us that needs to feel superior, given the inferiority complex it feels on the rest of the days. It's an okay part of us, all parts of us are welcome, because they all make us who we are. Here also lies the idea that others are somewhat inferior or superior to us, and that fear we have of inadequacy or being too good for this world, whatever the trick our minds are playing on us at the time.

With self compassion we can nurture the parts that feel judgmental or inferior, to stop the competition of comparing ourselves to others.

I think it's safe to say we're all unique and deserve to love ourselves just as we are, even in those times when we don't feel that we are worth it.
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by Jemane » Fri May 19, 2017 4:29 am

AvantGarde wrote:It's an okay part of us, all parts of us are welcome, because they all make us who we are. Here also lies the idea that others are somewhat inferior or superior to us, and that fear we have of inadequacy or being too good for this world, whatever the trick our minds are playing on us at the time.

With self compassion we can nurture the parts that feel judgmental or inferior, to stop the competition of comparing ourselves to others.

I think it's safe to say we're all unique and deserve to love ourselves just as we are, even in those times when we don't feel that we are worth it.


I definitely feel inferior most of the time. I think the idea of self compassion has a lot of value and I would like to learn more about it. I find it difficult to have self compassion as when I was in the cult I learnt to hate myself and judge myself very harshly.

I also like the idea which you have spoken about before that our ups and downs are as much a part of us as when we are stable. They are all me. They are all who I am. This helps me to realise my true identity instead of feeling that my identity is being pushed around like the sand by waves.

Back to self compassion. When we practice self compassion we start to establish a good self esteem and this is such an important thing to have. Finding our self esteem is our life's work I think.
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by Spm24 » Fri May 19, 2017 4:45 am

I know I have always had the feeling of being worse than others. It is so easy to be the one to put yourself down then it is to give yourself the self worth that you deserve..

For many of us it is from up bringing. Be it from your family or from your religion. Mine is from upbringing. I was always told that I was not worth my true worth. I was continually put down and belittled. So that is what makes it hard for me to have self compassion.

With the help of Tracy and my therapist. Plus everyone on here. I am learning to love myself. Learning to keep from hating myself. But I am learning. That is a work in progress..

AG thank you once again for your very thoughtful posts in philosophers corner
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by AvantGarde » Fri May 19, 2017 4:47 am

Glad you guys enjoyed the idea of self compassion, I have been trying to deal with it since starting therapy and it is hard, I tell you! :lol:

Jemane,
I don't like to see my identity as my disorder, but as a part of me, so we kinda disagree on that, it's not really who I am. I think we are much more than that, the idea that we are our disorders is in the others' eyes when they look at us in our worst states. When we're well, no one identifies us with our symptoms. It's like, when you have a friend and you're trying to listen to that friend and there's a person between you telling you that your friend has an issue and for you not to listen to your friend. We often forget that we are much more than our symptoms, so we don't listen to ourselves our really try to see ourselves behind the disorder...

I put up links on the self compassion and psychological assymetry, if you're interested in reading more :)

Shawn... Yep, our upbringings... Still, to this day, I'm criticized and judged by my mother and I have to put up with it, sometimes changing my attitude to please her, leading to more self loathin. I'm learning how to stand up for myself without sounding like a teenager :lol:
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by Pancake » Fri May 19, 2017 5:12 am

When are you writing your thesis? 8-)

Psychological asymmetry, I like that term. I used to tell my therapists I had double standards, and... is it cognitive dissonance, when you have contradictory beliefs?

TG, therapy and a certain mad whacky events community within a gaming forum have helped me there.
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by AvantGarde » Fri May 19, 2017 5:19 am

Pancake wrote:When are you writing your thesis? 8-)
This all helps, one day I'll make a long version and publish it :D

Pancake wrote:Psychological asymmetry, I like that term. I used to tell my therapists I had double standards, and... is it cognitive dissonance, when you have contradictory beliefs?

TG, therapy and a certain mad whacky events community within a gaming forum have helped me there.


You rock, though. And roll. And everything in between. All of us aspire to be you, but fall short. <3
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by Pancake » Fri May 19, 2017 5:32 am

Well, I'd send you over to my gaming community, except it's pretty dead now.

'fraid there's no hope for the rest of you :'(
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by AvantGarde » Fri May 19, 2017 6:03 am

Shit...
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by hal » Fri May 19, 2017 6:23 am

AvantGarde wrote:I don't like to see my identity as my disorder, but as a part of me, so we kinda disagree on that, it's not really who I am. I think we are much more than that, the idea that we are our disorders is in the others' eyes when they look at us in our worst states. When we're well, no one identifies us with our symptoms. It's like, when you have a friend and you're trying to listen to that friend and there's a person between you telling you that your friend has an issue and for you not to listen to your friend. We often forget that we are much more than our symptoms, so we don't listen to ourselves our really try to see ourselves behind the disorder...
I've always resisted the expression, "I'm bipolar," as if this were my identity. There's an obvious contradiction here, that I AM periodically a miserable object of pity or a flying madman. Or an ordinary person. Not true; how could it be? My consciousness is always me, not my mood or energy level. My moods affect me in a powerful and undeniable way. It may be that people see me as "bipolar," but I don't see myself that way.
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by AvantGarde » Fri May 19, 2017 6:43 am

hal wrote:My consciousness is always me, not my mood or energy level. My moods affect me in a powerful and undeniable way. It may be that people see me as "bipolar," but I don't see myself that way.


Exactly..
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