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The need for change

Discussions and debates on philosophies and beliefs

by AvantGarde » Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:37 am

We're like characters in the little books that tell our lives. In our realities, and like characters, we have arcs - changes over a period of time, that leave an impression on our personalities.

Like characters, our lives unfold with a certain patience and what we were when we were children changes into adulthood, into the wisdom of old age. Some of us still stay very young, maybe due to this illness too, for a very long time.
I've met people who grew up too suddenly and became adults, and I've met young people in their 70's and 80's who never really knew how to be grown ups.

The need for change is very strong with me, I don't want exactly to become a grown up, I want to remain a child for as long as I can, but I feel the need to change myself and build myself several arcs like the character I am in my book. I don't know if I'm alone in this here, hence this post.

I like the thrill of change, I kept moving apartments, cities, continents, I travel at least once a year and keep the need to change little things about myself with certain books I read, movies or series I watch, adapting myself to the subtle nuances of each other character I'm introduced too.

Right now I'm writing and I'm feeling the need to build an arc for my character that has the intensity of completely changing her life, her views on the world, her inner thoughts and the philosophy of her inner world.
And I noticed I want that for myself, that that specific need comes from not accepting myself the way I am, and to keep dwelling on the fact that I'm just not good enough for life, even though I'm mostly cheerful and positive.

Well, this is a philosophical ponder really.
Does the need for change come from not accepting I'm ill and that I need help, or does is it simply the continuation of my self destructive self from years ago?
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by Mocha » Sun Nov 20, 2016 2:24 pm

AG wrote:Does the need for change come from not accepting I'm ill and that I need help, or does is it simply the continuation of my self destructive self from years ago?

I'm inclined to think it's neither.
I think it's simply that you're growing. And maybe it is one of those arcs you talked about.

Maybe it's just a sign you're ready for the next chapter of your life.
You'll have several of those arcs in your lifetime. And yes, they do change us. Each chapter, each arc of our lives make us who we are.

I relate to your post because I'm experiencing my own 'arc'. Entering a new chapter in my own life. Not my first one for sure

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by Trevor » Sun Nov 20, 2016 7:19 pm

"Does the need for change come from not accepting I'm ill and that I need help, or does is it simply the continuation of my self destructive self from years ago?"

maybe this is last statement is a way of taking uncomfortable feelings outside of yourself and examining them. when i was nine years old my family moved from brooklyn to a navajo reservation. i don't live on the res anymore, but i am definitely not a traveler, i have lived in the same town now for 20 years and am afraid of the prospect of moving, even camping. from my point of view your need for travel shows freedom. but most people on these boards have anxiety, so maybe we just deal with ours differently.
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by AvantGarde » Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:30 pm

Maybe you're right Mocha, I'm just growing. It terrifies me to think that I can just revert to my old ways if given the opportunity. That's basically why I wrote this, also a friend sent me this article, that hit all the points of my past self:
John Cheese: How Self Destruction Ate Me Alive For 30 Years

Trevor, I have several anxiety disorders. But I suck it up and take benzos when I'm riding a plane and just spend the time catastrophizing how it's going to fall and kill me :lol: Once I'm there, I'm alright. This year I went to Amsterdam and even got a bit psychotic there for a few hours, luckily I took my zyprexa PRN with me, and it passed :lol: I prefer to live instead of living in fear of having these disorders...
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by kane » Tue Apr 04, 2017 9:59 pm

the most fundemental beautiful thing we lose when we become adults is our wonderment..our imagination...when we were children we believed in the endless opportunities, the dreams,that we can become anything we want, we can touch the stars, go further and delve deeper than anything we could possibly imagine...than the cold hard facts of life suck us back into the vacuum but that is only a false reality, set by societal obligations and the want to fit in...but guess what...our child imagination knows no boundarys, no judgement and knows no boundarys...like einstein said "imagination is more important than knowledge"
why we lose this belief when in adulthood is attributed to societal pressures but its not the true path...the true path is love, beauty, imagination, nature, the universe and the wonderment of life for all beings...we are all imterconnected and we are all one....much love
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