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How do I support my BP daughter?

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by Sandyal » Tue Nov 08, 2016 8:06 pm

My adult,married daughter was recently diagnosed with bipolar with mania(?). She's now staying with me. She has a two year old son that she doesn't seem interested in. I do know that she hasn't been taking her meds as prescribed. She's taking therapy three times a week for three and a half hours. What can I do to help and support her? She doesn't seem to want to share any information from the Dr with me.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 08, 2016 9:11 pm

Hello Sandyal :)

Being that she was just recently diagnosed, I say give her some time to adjust and for the mania to come down and stabilize. I'm sure she will figure it all out eventually, the therapy, the meds, the responsibilities.

It's very hard to admit we're ill, heck, it's hard to admit we have issues, let alone mental illness.

Just be there for her like you're doing now and give her time.
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:36 pm

Yes, she's probably still coming to terms with being unwell or perhaps doesn't even have full insight into her condition. Give her some time to get used to it.
It's so great you are supporting her. We BP folk all need someone like you in our lives to support us and monitor our moods. She might not quite understand that yet. Keep up the good work. It's not easy.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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by Duckysmom » Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:31 am

I am one of the rare ones who welcomed my diagnosis after 30+ years of being messed up and not understanding why. I kept searching for answers. Then, I got properly diagnosed and it was such a relief. But I still fought my diagnosis to some degree. I wanted someone to say they could cure me, not help stabilize me. I went on and off meds for a while and it took years to get stable because of my resistance. There usually comes time of acceptance, and even that can slip sometimes. Patience, love and support are all you can offier. It is her battle to fight, but it's easier to fight when we are not alone in that fight. Just yesterday, in a particularly surly mood, depressed and angry, I refused to take my morning meds. My boyfriend gently nudged me in the right direction. He's as stubborn as I am. I got angry. He stayed calm and cool and just kept reminding me how well I have been doing taking my meds. And eventually, I gave in, with a "Happy now?" Yes, he was happy. Eventually, so was I.

I am not recommending you argue the meds with her at this point. I am just giving an example. I was diagnosed at 43 and just turned 53. I am happy that she was diagnosed at a much younger age. My life was so much worse undiagnosed (and misdiagnosed) for so many years. I hope she comes around soon. Her child needs her. I am glad he has you. My daughter didn't have anyone but Mom and Mom was a mess. But I still did ok as a mother. She turned out well and I am proud of her.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
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by mom6 » Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:46 am

You sound like such a great mom. I am not sure what you can do for her except to love her as best as you can. You might want to point out my predicament though. If she refuses to take her meds and anyone takes an interest in that it might not turn out Well for her in court should she everhave to go there. I wouldn't want to scare her. But obviously it has happened in the past. She hopefully one day well take her meds regularly to limit the impact her diagnosis has on the people around us
Just remember that she is in there. She doesn't want to feel this way either. If she is struggling then she needs to go back to her psychiatrist. And keep going back until she feels good and is stable.
Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows fall behind you-Walt Whitman (mostly)
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by SlyPixie » Sun Nov 13, 2016 6:35 am

I was diagnosed in my teens but I fought my diagnosis for years I would stop taking my medication I would stop going to my doctors appointments I was just not ready to except that I had a mental illness. It took me a very long time I am now 33 and I am just now to the point where for the most part I can except that I have this illness… I'm not really sure what you can do for your daughter...other then try to be there for her to be supportive... if she's not ready to except her illness then there's nothing really that you can do to help her help herself because she's not at the place where she wants that help yet... as for her child.... maybe that is where you can step in and be more help if she's not in the place where she's capable of taking care of herself then she's definitely not in the place where she's capable of taking care of somebody else so maybe you could help her to take care of the kid while she's getting stable... that is the only thing that I can really think of other than just trying to gently Direct her to the right path… I wish you the best of luck with this I'm sorry I can't be much help.
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by Sandyal » Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:31 pm

Thanks to everyone who responded to my post. At this point, my daughter hasn't taken her meds for at least a week. Her husband, against my advice, is filing for divorce. She has left my house, and the only way I know that she's safe is because she still trusts her sister and is keeping in contact with her. She thinks she's adopted. Not that it would matter but, she isn't. Her father (we've been divorced almost 20yrs) and I both said we'd get a DNA test to settle it. I'm also not sure if she's practicing safe behavior. She supposedly hooked up with someone she met in therapy. I'm so worried about her and don't want to alienate her further. I have been texting her once a day that I love here and am here for her if she needs me. Should I keep doing that or stop? Thanks
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