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Euphoria

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by Jemane » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:18 pm

I’ve often been close but last night I experienced exquisite euphoria. It was amazing, almost orgasmic in a non-sexual kind of way (if that’s possible). I felt soooo amazing. Almost had no sleep. Then I scared everyone shitless by going wandering in my neighbourhood at 2.30pm wearing skimpy pyjamas and a dressing gown.
So I made an emergency call to the pdoc and said, ummm, just wondering if I should reduce the antidepressant?
How about, stop the antidepressant says he and call me tomorrow.
I’m wondering if I’m bordering on manic rather than hypomanic. Not sure I’ve been like this before.
I’ve got plenty of help and I’m trying terribly hard to be sensible so I must have some insight.
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by AvantGarde » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:36 pm

I vote bordering on manic. Let us know how stopping the AD works for you. Good luck!
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by Jemane » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:43 pm

Yes I think so. My poor husband is tearing his hair out. But the kids are LOVING it. Fun mum is back...
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:32 am

I understand your husband's apprehension though, you went from 8 to 80 in a few weeks.. :) That's the nature of BP though. Hope you manage to get some rest today.
I always think it's easier to stabilize the high moods than the lower ones.
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:42 am

I think that’s true. The highs don’t last nearly as long (as much as we want them to). I think dropping the AD will probably solve the problem. Not sure how long it will take though?
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:15 am

I meant stabilize with meds, without tweaking my meds my highs last longer and are more destructive. We're all different though, experiences differ :)

Should subside when you taper it off, or go off of it. Not sure it will completely go away right away without tweaking mood stabilizer or antipsychotic, maybe Pan or Mocha know.
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by Pancake » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:38 am

maybe Pan or Mocha know.

Nup.

Take care chickie. I hope you get to enjoy the buzz a *little* longer, without anything bad happening. It's like a catch-22 :roll:

You're very good for not chasing that high, must be hard when it feels so good.
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by pmh87 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:43 am

If you are manic you will know it. You'll get 10 hrs of sleep or less for a whole week & you'll feel like you're in a completely different world from everybody else.
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by pmh87 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:47 am

LOL I've wandered the neighborhood before too, chasing voices I thought came from somewhere out there, or thinking aliens made a landing near my house etc.

The call is never made to a doc though. It's that real to me. That's the scary part.
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by hal » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:59 am

You have tremendous insight, jemane. As to your state, I would call it mania, not so much because of the euphoria (though since I'm not feeling it as you are, and maybe never have, how can I say?), but for the nighttime travels. This sounds like the poor judgment we experience during mania. Also, your husband's concern. If it looks startlingly different to him, it probably is. But I like that you recognize what's going on and your determination to deal with it the right way! :)
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:19 am

No euphoria tonight, just a toss and turn sort of night. I’d rather be doing something fun. Lying in bed is so boring.
At least I have you all for company :lol:
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:46 am

Sometimes boring is the best thing for me... :roll: . But laying there is such a chore. So stressful. That high is nice as long as you can keep it under control as you are trying to do....
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:50 am

I am so tempted to go for a run right now. The weather is amazing. It’s 2.45am.
Or I could make a birthday cake for my girls who have their birthday tomorrow but the beaters would wake everyone up.
Maybe I’ll do some painting (I’ve just taken up oil painting)
Or I’ll just lie here trying hard to do the right thing. Almost wish I had less insight so I’d just go and have fun.
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by Spm24 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:59 am

Very understandable wanting to have fun after going through such a horrible bout of depression that you went through not to long ago.

But as you said you have the insight to do things that are sensible. As you said the right thing is to lie there. But to do that you need to stop that mind of yours from running away with you.
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:23 am

Ugh, I hate just laying there... Awful. I always get up, really do rather be up than tossing and turning.

Too bad you can't get some rest tonight though (feels weird to say this when the sun is shining through my window in my face :lol:)
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:29 am

Ok, went and made the cake. Surely my girls need a birthday cake and what better time to do it but now?
Didn’t use the beaters so it’s a bit lumpy, but they won’t care. My 15 and 7 year old share a birthday.
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:30 am

I can’t imagine it being sun shiny right now although it’s such a hot night it practically feels like Day.
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by AvantGarde » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:05 am

The sun is setting now :) Despite it being tomorrow there
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by Lisa » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:54 am

Jemane, you've got this. It's spectacular to watch you make decisions while going through this. So, informative... thank you <3

I used to live on a well-lit street of mostly student apartments. I'd grab Emmy and walk the sidewalks at 2 am many sleepless nights. I haven't had to do that here, so I think my mix of meds is pretty good.

Question - are we pretty much the same when adjusting meds for an 'episode'? Like when I got snappy, aggressive, and short tempered I had to increase the dosage of Sertraline?

Question - you were awake when you went outside, right? You're not waking up out there, right? That used to be a problem for me when I was younger.

Must get ready for work, a great day/night to you all!
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by Pancake » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:10 pm

Jemane wrote:Ok, went and made the cake.

Good for you. Lying in bed being unproductive is one of my pet hates. (It drives my other half crazy when I get up and do stuff, but what is the point of lying there pretending to sleep for 6 hours? He can't see past 'but you need to sleep'. Duh. Tell my body that.)

How is the oil painting going?
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by Jemane » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:29 pm

Pan,
I’m loving oil painting. I’ve got 2 paintings on the go at the moment. It’s given me a new lease of life to have hobby. The oil painting course I’m doing with my daughter has spurred me on.
Yes, I’m glad I made the cake :D

Lisa,
I think as with everything in bipolar meds are a very individual thing and what works for one doesn’t work for another.
Yes, I was definitely awake. That was part of the problem, I just couldn’t sleep cause I didn’t feel at all tired.
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by Jemane » Wed Nov 15, 2017 1:23 pm

Just an update. Still couldn’t sleep last night so took temazepam and ended up sleeping quite well. Think things are settling. Thanks for all your support. Pdoc is quite worried about me though. Keeping in daily contact with him.
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by hal » Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:20 pm

Jemane wrote:Keeping in daily contact with him.
Good idea! :D
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Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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by Jemane » Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:43 pm

I’m suddenly exhausted. I’m still happy and my energy levels not too bad but I feel like an afternoon nap. That seems very quick to come down. Normally it takes a few days for me. Has anyone else experienced such a quick change before? Is this normal?
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by Mocha » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:06 pm

Def sounds like a antidepressant induced mania......and imo, def not hypomania.....

And btw.....you know what a dark sense of humour I have and how much I love a good 'bipolar story'......I have to say, yours was one of the best I've heard in a while........ :)

by going wandering in my neighbourhood at 2.30pm wearing skimpy pyjamas and a dressing gown.

:lol: :lol:

I just wish I could have seen it.......... :twisted:

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