Bipolar Support Forums To Share and Support One Another

Advice for daughter

If you have any questions about living with Bipolar Disorder, we'll do our best to answer and share our experiences. Are you worried about symptoms? When to call your pdoc/tdoc? Whatever your concern....Ask Away!

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:18 am

Hi. I'm a mom of bp 30 yr old daughter who is 8 hours away. I was up there for a few days last week to assist her and her bf with her manic crisis. I found no help but she finally allowed bf to call ambulance. She is in for 4 days getting stabilization help. She has been non compliant and untreated since she became an adult. She'll be released on Wednesday and her bf is planning to have several people at the house to welcome her home. I initially thought that would be great to destigmatize what she's been through/going through but now I'm a little concerned about it over stimulating her. She has been really lonely with only me and her sister and bf as real support but she has lashed out at all of us recently (or her bp has). She has bullying and rapes as past traumas and real mistrust of the world. Has never driven or worked. Her bf is just coming to realize that she is bp and at first he was ready to give up and send her packing but he has a huge heart and is going to try to keep going with her. She doesn't want to come home (hates me as person who has had her put in hospital 2 prior times in teens. I've been super worried about her becoming homeless. Any advice re plans for her release??
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:44 am

Hi Kaysmom, welcome.

You probably won't like my answer, but she does need to come to terms with her illness and future by herself eventually. She's not a child anymore. I'm well aware of the impact of trauma in life and how the mix of trauma and BP can be overwhelming and I deal with it myself, but I've accepted the responsibility of my well being and asked for help in the areas where I wasn't able to act, like work and paying bills and so forth. It can be a slow process, but it's the only way to get out of the hole.

She would benefit from trauma therapy as well, of course.

I do also understand that she can't work while she's acutely manic or depressed, so maybe I wouldn't worry so much about a party that may or not overstimulate her over a few hours, but I would worry more in helping her being med compliant, if that means with the help of her boyfriend if he's willing.

It won't help her to coddle her into further mistrust by forcing things on her, but it also won't help to let her go rampant into the abyss.

If she does in fact decide that she doesn't want treatment, it's her decision and you've done all you can do for her.

I also advise you to check out these links:
Find your local NAMI:
http://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Family Center

Supporting Someone with Bipolar: For Family and Friends
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:12 am

I sincerely appreciate your advice. The party was just an immediate concern. I understand the compliance and therapy issues. I understand I am limited in my abilities especially since I am a source of mistrust to her on the topic. As much as I want to help, it seems my mere presence or speech is generally unwelcome. I pray for the day she does take this responsibility for herself and maybe can accept me as a person who tried to help instead of the saboteur she considers me now. Thank you.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:15 am

Just as afterthought... I have reached out to nami and am trying to encourage her bf to reach out also and avail themselves of support groups in the area.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:17 am

My apologies to the moderators that it seems I posted my thread in their forum instead of a more appropriate topic.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:18 am

I'm sorry I can't be of more help, to be honest with you, in these kinds of situations we have our hands tied. People do have a shred of knowledge that they can seek help if they want to, sometimes it takes an outsider's nudge (like her boyfriend) to seek that help.

I didn't trust my mother either, for different reasons, until I had no choice and then I saw she wasn't that bad. ;)

So, all hope is not lost.

Hang in there.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:18 am

Ah, no problem. I can move the topic to another forum. :) No worries.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:30 am

Thank you! :-)
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:42 am

I was thinking about the party. After I left the hospital I went to two parties :) They did me good, although I didn't stay for long. But the feeling of being welcomed between friends who didn't judge me was great.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:46 am

That is great to hear. My initial thought was it would let her know that she is still cared for even coming out of the hospital for something she fears is unbearably stigmatized.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:49 am

I understand that from her :) My parties were from my mom's friends and an exboyfriend to who I previously told I was god :? Lol
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:53 am

I've never tried to stigmatize it. My mom also had it and lost her life because we couldn't get her to a hospital in a crisis. We tried a judge and police escort but no-one would admit she was a danger even though she was throwing lit cigs into carpet, etc. She was similar to my daughter in terms of denial but she was high functioning between episodes. I really hope someone can turn my daughter's thinking around so she gets help!
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:55 am

Lol...My mom thought she was Mary Magdalene once.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:59 am

I'm so sorry about your mom.

It's very hard to get hospitalized in my country, my mom told me the run arounds she had to do to be able to hospitalize me. Even though I wasn't a danger to anyone, she had to file that I was so they would hospitalize me. That in turn, led to me being strapped to a bed, and a bunch of other unpleasant circunstances that I would prefer to get out of my head. I was so angry at her for so long. She still explains it was the only way to hospitalize me... but still.. It's hard to swallow that particular pill.
The beds are always full.. You would've think that for the amount of stigma that exists, mental illness would be more rare.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:18 am

I know how hard,(well I don't personally know) about being in the hospital. Seems to have traumatized my daughter too. I'm really happy that you've given your mom a measure of forgiveness and that you are helping yourself. You've been a great help to me today as well! I'm sorry if I said anything I shouldn't have. I'd never mean to cause upset but sometimes I'm not very good at this "supporter on the outside" thing.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am

by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:33 am

You didn't say anything you shouldn't have! I hope you're able to help your daughter within your means. Just wanted to tell you on the first post that she needs to be able to help herself too, that's a hard one for parents sometimes.
Genetically evolved chicken at your service

My therapist says I don't have crazy eyes
User avatar
AvantGarde
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5655
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:01 am

by Kaysmom » Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:30 am

Oh good. I agree. That will always be hard for me but slowly coming to terms with everyone telling me as an adult, she had to consent to her own help. I just hope she does so to avoid future crises where eventually some of her will is taken away.
Kaysmom
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 6:08 am


Return to General Questions