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I think about suicide all the time, but don't want to do it.

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by AvantGarde » Tue Dec 27, 2016 11:59 pm

If you're just on a low swing and not a danger to yourself or others, they wouldn't admit you. They need the beds :)

They would just tweak your meds.
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by pvarck31 » Wed Dec 28, 2016 11:19 pm

Things keep getting worse. My grandma is in ICU and we were told she could pass away any time now. And tonight, one of my cats died. It was sudden and out of nowhere. He was less than two years old.

My god, I feel like I've hit rock bottom. How does a less than two year old cat die for no reason. I'm heartbroken.
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by AvantGarde » Wed Dec 28, 2016 11:41 pm

I'm so sorry pvark. I have no idea why your kitty died, he might have had some underlying disease you weren't aware of. Or an infection of some kind.

Sorry about your grandma too.
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by Pancake » Thu Dec 29, 2016 2:16 am

Have you tried calling the Pdoc's office? At a minimum any responsible clinic should have some backup resources to refer people to or some sort of advice for anyone that needs help while the pdoc is away.

Sorry about your cat. I'm always a mess when a pet dies. I hope there's a chance your grandma can pull through too, but if not... grief can be a big trigger for some of us, please go for help if you need it.
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by pvarck31 » Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:56 pm

Wow it's been a long time since I've been here.

To update on my last few posts, my grandma passed away peacefully on New Years day. It was sad, but I did ok getting through it. She was 91 and lived a full and happy life.

As far as how I'm doing, I called my pdoc office shortly after my last post and she made a med adjustment by upping my Seroquel. It helped a lot. My nighttime depression got better. I've only seen her once since my first appointment with her. My appt in January got cancelled and I didn't get to see her till mid March. So yeah, that was ridiculous.

Anyway, I am having some serious health anxiety right now. I don't think I mentioned this but I am a huge hypochondriac. But it comes and goes. And it's driving me nuts right now. Earlier this year I developed some kind of skin irritation or sore on the top of my ear. It was red and scaly with kind of a white center. I had my med doc look at it since I was there for a routine appointment and he said he didn't think it was anything to worry about but there was a small chance it was basil cell carcinoma. He said if it was he'd just remove it. So I was freaked for like a month and I went back and it actually looked better so he said its nothing and not to worry about it. So months later its still kind of there but has healed up way better than it was. So I'm assuming its not skin cancer.

But of course just over the last few days I've had a couple other issues come up. I noticed a mole on my forearm a couple days ago that was a little sore and raised just a tad. It looks normal, and my wife said its fine and not to worry about it, and she's a nurse. But I can't stop worrying. I keep rubbing it and putting my finger nail on the edges where its raised a bit. It's driving me nuts thinking its melanoma.

And that leads to yet another issue that started yesterday. I felt what I thought was a pimple in the middle of my chest. It became very painful over the last day. Just my shirt rubbing it hurt. So I had my wife try to pop it tonight and she couldn't Its a hard nodule like lump. and goes under the skin. She says she pulled a hair out of it and it's an infected ingrown hair. Like I said, she's a nurse. So WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING IM DYING OF CANCER WITH EVER LITTLE THING???? I keep thinking its a tumor or something since it cant be pooped. It's kind of open and red.

Sorry about the caps, but I am just at my wits end with feeling like this. I even found a tiny little red spot on my forehead that is freaking me out.

Every little thing is sending me over the edge to legit fear I am dying.

Everyone tells me its ok and I am not dying and these things are just benign reasonable things like pimples, normal moles, and infected in grown hairs but I can't accept that in my current mental state.

Oh man. Sorry for the rant. I hope all of you who have helped me in this thread are doing well.
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by Jemane » Mon Jun 19, 2017 1:58 am

Glad to hear you're doing better.
Have you got a tdoc you could work through some of your anxiety with? I think therapy would be the best avenue for helping your health anxiety.
Sorry to hear about your grandma.
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by AvantGarde » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:10 am

Sorry it's been so rough for you. Hypocondria sucks, but hey at least you're aware it's hypocondria!

I agree that the best would be therapy, maybe CBT, it can help you with the compulsion to look for moles and cognitively speaking it can also help you unwind from the stress.

I was very hypocondriac, somehow it passed with time. I'm still a little fearful of getting some stupid illness, but it translates into being more careful not obsessing over it. So, there's hope!
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by Jemane » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:14 am

I was a hypochondriac when I was a teenager. I convinced myself that I had leukaemia and was going to die.
I sort of did my own CBT I think, convincing myself that I wasn't going to die.
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by pvarck31 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:49 pm

Hey everyone. For some reason I thought about this forum today when I was having some issues and wanted to drop in and say hi to the people who have helped me in this thread.

I'm doing ok, but I am having some serious phobia issues. I have a terrible phobia of driving or riding in a car on the highway. Tomorrow I have to go to my med doc and have to ride on the highway for a few minutes and I'm having paralyzing fear over it.

I need to convince myself it will be ok. But right now all I can think of is catastrophic things.
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:12 pm

Hi,
Can you contact your tdoc and have a chat beforehand? I’m sure they’ve got lots of great approaches to phobia.
Can someone else drive you?

I’m glad you’re doing ok apart from the phobia.
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by pvarck31 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:17 pm

Can't really contact her beforehand.

My wife is driving me, but I still get scared even when I'm the passenger.

I just have to deal with it. It's only about 5 minutes on the highway.
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by Jemane » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:44 pm

I’m glad you’re not driving.
Can you try distraction techniques?
Breathing techniques?
Have you learnt some things you can put in place?
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by Pancake » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:35 pm

I don't have any more suggestions than Jemane. Sometines when the panic sets in, we forget to use the techniques we have learned.

Hope it isn't too bad for you.
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by AvantGarde » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:41 pm

Hey and welcome back.

I've developed the same fear of highways recently, detest them with my whole heart and wish they all burn to the ground and are never risen again. I find that really nothing helps, sorry.. I just focus on my breathing, and get through it. It's horrible every time.

Other kinds of roads don't phase me. Just the highway.

I guess it helps to feel safe with the person who's driving, does your wife drive safely?

The catastrophic thinking I can help, it's like intrusive thoughts? If so just close your eyes and think of the thoughts as clouds that are passing, some can rain others just slightly cover the sun, but they all pass and aren't permanent.
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by hal » Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:26 pm

I just spent a few days in a much larger city than where I live, and driving on the freeways there scared the shirt out of me. Plus, the place has some oddball traffic conventions:

: on a busy street, no left turn, go up up a block and wait for a special light, then make a u-turn
: there's a red light ahead, but it doesn't apply to you if you're in the right hand lane(s)
: turning right on a street which will allow entry to the freeway, you have to take the left side of an island if you're taking the freeway south, the right side if you're going north

These all make sense logically, but to a visitor....

All this is especially hard to deal with at night, of course.

I feel for ya. Driving can feel very, very dangerous.
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