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What if I just don't want to?

What are your triggers? People, places, smells, or sounds? Have you learned how to set your boundaries? Or do you know what your boundaries are?

by dubious66 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 4:07 pm

Tomorrow night I have to go through a combination of one of my least favorite tasks when I am greyed like this in one of my most dreaded contexts: public speaking in a political arena. I think I am being either completely set up or I am at least expected to be the prop that is supposed to take the heat for legislative decisions that weren't mine. I really dislike my job at times. I know lots of folks have far more stressful and pressured jobs, but WTF. I just want to turtle. I can't imagine finding the energy or brain power to pull this off. If I completely fall apart, do you think I'll qualify for workers comp? Just kidding...sort of. Deep breaths, buck up.

I really am not sure how much longer I can do this.
Wearing a sign: I just need a break! I am out of reserves.

AG, it's at times like this that I have been accused of dissociating. Whatever "it" is, when I am in the grey, it allows me to get done what needs to be done under conditions that would otherwise beat me. Old tdoc said it was a relatively "normal" reaction that most people do at some point in their lives. I do it when I am fighting hard, so it is not a typical coping or avoidance mechanism for me. It allows me to be more functional than I would be otherwise. If only it was more controllable, I think it could be a useful trick ;). Not sure if that makes sense. Or I could be full of shit. Who knows...
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by hal » Sun Sep 10, 2017 4:27 pm

I can understand why you'd feel ambiguous about a speech you have no real investment in.
. . . all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone.
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by Mocha » Sun Sep 10, 2017 4:50 pm

Seems reasonable to me. The not wanting to do it, I mean.

You've never like the public speaking part of job to begin with, and on top of that you're dealing with a major loss.

jmo, this is just more pressure that you could probably do without atm.

love you......

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by Pancake » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:13 pm

I'd be shitting myself. Possibly for real.

Good luck though.
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by dubious66 » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:48 pm

Pancake wrote:I'd be shitting myself. Possibly for real.

Good luck though.


Hmmm..provides some perspective on any of my potential stammering ;)
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by AvantGarde » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:03 pm

Yeah I wouldn't be able either, not unless very confident of what I was going to say and I'm hardly ever that confident about things such as words :lol: Just kidding, sort of, half of it is joke. You can do it! Turtle aftewards :)

About the dissociating bit, yours seems very helpful :D It's normal natural most people have some sort of it, dissociation. We all have it. In my case is becoming dysfunctional, actually interefering in a negative way, but I'll go through it, no worries about me :)
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by dubious66 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 9:20 am

Looking like an adult (i.e., I went to work looking like a professional.) No promises that if I pass a pond, I won't just jump in to avoid the meeting. Turtles like ponds. ;)
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by dubious66 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 3:09 pm

UPDATE: I didn't run into a pond on my way. This will be over in 2 1/2 hours. I can do anything for 2 1/2 hours, right? :?
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by Mocha » Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:40 pm

I just saw this, dub.....so I don't know if it's over with or not. and of course you can do anything for 2 or so hours....

Besides whether you like it or not, I happen to know you're very good at it.....

Let us know how it went ok?
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by Pancake » Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:43 pm

We're cheering you on from the internet (;
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by Jemane » Mon Sep 11, 2017 5:07 pm

Hope it's gone well. Cheering you on from here too. All the best.
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by dubious66 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:01 pm

Survived! Stammered and got tongue-tied a couple of times; but I don't think I called anyone a "f*cking idiot." Only a single reporter was there. No one I knew so fingers crossed nothing too embarrassing will end up in print. This shoukd not be part of my job. Took a lot of digging deep to get up on stage and stay there. Hopefully, I will sleep well tonight.

Guys, you are wonderful. Thanks for the cyber-support. It really did help.

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by Pancake » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:13 pm

Glad you survived ok. Don't worry, if it's not supposed to be your job and it goes badly I'm sure you'll still get blamed for it :lol:

Do you have a reward planned for yourself? 1:1 time with some nice chocolate maybe.
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by dubious66 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:21 pm

Pancake wrote:
Do you have a reward planned for yourself? 1:1 time with some nice chocolate maybe.


Chocolate would be so good! None here :(. Only peanuts, not even peanut butter, smooth or crunchy...
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by AvantGarde » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:51 pm

Ah, glad it went okay.

And I'm sorry you didnt get to call anyone "a fucking idiot", that always sucks :lol:
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by Mocha » Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:38 am

Yay!.....I glad you have that behind ya...... :)

Really sorry you didn't have any chocolate though.....that sucked.... :(

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by hal » Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:13 am

Hooray for dub!
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-- Tennyson
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