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New to BP and Mother In Law a huge trigger

What are your triggers? People, places, smells, or sounds? Have you learned how to set your boundaries? Or do you know what your boundaries are?

by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:07 am

Hello,

I've posted in the new to BP forum, but, I need some advice on a trigger I am looking for a tdoc but currently don't have one at the moment.

A bit of background: My wife was in the Canadian Air Force for 11 years where she got injured and was medically retired because of it. When she retired we decided to move across Canada to be closer to family.

During this time, while her pension and what not sorts out (they don't start processing it until you've left, and it takes months ugh!) We have been staying with her parents.

I had a major melt down shortly after we moved in and things got bad. Then I had a psychosis event which got me an emergency meeting with a pdoc because clearly something went wrong somewhere.

Anyways, my mother in law is very controlling and both are mentally abusive if you don't follow their ways. We try very hard to appease them, as we understand their house their rules. Currently we are looking for our own place but not all of my wife's pension has come in and basically we are living off of half her pension income, which doesn't go very far with bills, etc.

The family went camping over the weekend, which was fine and honestly it was a nice break to clear our heads. However, today my MIL comes home immediately yells at my wife for foot prints on the floors (she makes everyone wear shoes in the house because footprints), because we had our dogs out during the weekend.

Nothing was broken or destroyed, my wife had ensured to tidy up including sweeping and vacuuming the hardwood. Now.my wife is very angry and my mother in law's attitude has set of this angry beast that I hate.

I don't know how to deal with it. Talking to them doesn't work, it always becomes a lecture and their points are the only correct ones. Stress makes my lupus flare which makes me more disabled and makes me more depressed which effects my.mental well being.

Housing is difficult to find at an affordable price and we are at our wits end.

How do I manage this trigger without blowing up at them again.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by TheBimMan » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:35 am

You can't change the way she reacts to things, you can only change yourself. With that being said, if you can't handle the situation get away from it. I know it's hard to get your own place, but finding a different living situation shouldn't be too hard. There's tons of websites that help look for roommates that can split the build. Between you, your wife and some possible roommates I'm sure you can manage to get away. And with some distance I bet your relationship with your wife and MIL will improve.
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:37 am

That is our plan, but I need coping techniques to handle it until we leave. You know?
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by AvantGarde » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:15 pm

Search for breathing techniques for anxiety online, some from ptsd might help as well, to distract you from the anger.

Don't have anymore ideas, sorry :?
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:28 pm

Thank you, went for a drive with my wife and puppies. It's a pretty funny sight to see me have a floral cover over over my head like a ghost to protect myself from rashes and causing my Lupus to flare.

Please note: I only wear the cover up like a ghost when I'm too lazy to wrap it properly. I do not support what is going on in the USA right now. I only realized after that the cover is white with flowers. Oh dear. :/
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Mocha » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:41 pm

Lessa, I can only imagine how hard it must be. And no offense but your MIL sounds like a real bitch...... :evil:

I know you guys would be more than happy to get out of her house if your finances were better.

Have to say she has some fucked ideas about footprints on the floor....jeeze. What the hell is that about?.......I make everyone take their shoes off at the door and walk around in sock feet. That would solve the problem, but it seems like she's just looking for something to bitch about, eh?

Please keep posting when you need to get anything off your chest. Btw, both my MILs were bitches, so I hear ya.

PS: Try not to fret over what we're going thru in the US. None of us agree with it, but unfortunately we've been dealing with it for years. It's only become worse because of dumb ass Trump.

Not A Professional of Any Kind ~ Just Your Garden Variety Nutjob


I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.~

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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:51 pm

Thank you Mocha. Yes she is a bitch, she was.mad that we didn't ask to have our animals romp around the house, as normally they are forced to stay in our room with us, but then we get bitched at the dogs aren't out enough.

Our dogs are service dogs, and go with us everywhere. They don't see that though, because you know. Stuff or something.

We can't figure out the footprints either, she has severe allergies and so they don't have carpet. Makes sense, but foot prints happen especially in the summer when frankly it is too hot to wear socks! Especially since we made sure to vacuum up all the dog hair so mom wouldnt have to deal with it and her allergies hurting her.

My wife called pension, they need us to resubmit our direct deposit form as the last one wasn't legible enough, too light and then it sounds like we should be getting it soon. So back pay from may all the way until the day they pay us. We are searching furiously for housing.

Because I'm physically disabled I can't do stairs and use a wheel chair at times making our search that much harder, because a lot of places that would be -perfect- are town houses with...stairs Ugh!

I am calmer after the drive, and laying in the cool air inside though I wish I could go swimming in the pool. The upside of living with the in law's a beautiful salt water pool...that I can't use often haha!

I try not to worry about the states, but my bff from highschool now lives in Ohio and I do worry about her future with all the crazy things there. She's my sister from another mister. I'm taking it slow and breathing.

My lamictal so far is making me hyper and happy and it worries me that it's triggering a mania. My sleep, well, lupus makes.me stupid fatigued so it's hard until I'm completely not sleeping to tell there. But, I'm breathing being mindful and logging my moods. My wife is keeping an eye on me to make sure that things don't go sideways. She's a but taken aback by my playful, cheerful manner. I used to be a playful, cheerful person before I hit puberty so who knows.
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Spm24 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 2:31 pm

Lessa,

It is always hard to live under others rules. Because there are inevitably some weird ones thrown in there. All you can do is take your downtime to get away from her for awhile. Going out for drives have always been effective coping mechanisms for me. That's what the plan is for later to just go take a drive with my wife with no place in mind. Just do it to get me out of the house.

Hopefully her full pension is coming soon. Sounds like a good sign to be told just to resubmit direct deposit form..

Finding a place that is one level might take you a while to do so. But hopefully the search is short lived and you find a nice place soon...
Snowflakes gently floating from the sky just dusting the ground. Then it picks up bigger fatter flakes cascading from space at a faster rate. From a dusting to a trace. Then the deluge comes. Oh what joy. Watching everything slow to a crawl, then a stop. Step outside and even with things moving it is quiet. It is a giant muffler the earth is wearing. Causing everything to be muted.To be calm.
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:44 pm

Spm24 wrote:Lessa,

It is always hard to live under others rules. Because there are inevitably some weird ones thrown in there. All you can do is take your downtime to get away from her for awhile. Going out for drives have always been effective coping mechanisms for me. That's what the plan is for later to just go take a drive with my wife with no place in mind. Just do it to get me out of the house.

Hopefully her full pension is coming soon. Sounds like a good sign to be told just to resubmit direct deposit form..

Finding a place that is one level might take you a while to do so. But hopefully the search is short lived and you find a nice place soon...


Thanks, they say that's all their missing and it should be processed quickly because of how.long we waited. I'm hoping end of August. I don't care if we live in a freaking one room cabin from a horror movie if it gets us out of here...as long as it has internet, stupid expensive data because no internet
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Pancake » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:46 pm

Hi Leesa, Welcome. I'm sorry you are having to deal with difficult in-laws. Sharing a house is hard enough without the rulers of the house being a pain in the ass. I don't play well with others, I neeeeed my space. Do you see a therapist? They may be able to help you with some more specific ideas until you get un-stuck from your outlaws.

Mindfulness exercises are popular with therapists here, and (I've heard), great if you can master it. (I got an F, but it did help me learn to let things go rather than stew on them, every little bit helps :D ). Are there any activities/hobbies you enjoy doing that would give you a virtual time out?

Can I ask - what's the symbolism of white material with flowers? I'm not American, you have me intrigued.
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:51 pm

Pancake wrote:Hi Leesa, Welcome. I'm sorry you are having to deal with difficult in-laws. Sharing a house is hard enough without the rulers of the house being a pain in the ass. I don't play well with others, I neeeeed my space. Do you see a therapist? They may be able to help you with some more specific ideas until you get un-stuck from your outlaws.

Mindfulness exercises are popular with therapists here, and (I've heard), great if you can master it. (I got an F, but it did help me learn to let things go rather than stew on them, every little bit helps :D ). Are there any activities/hobbies you enjoy doing that would give you a virtual time out?

Can I ask - what's the symbolism of white material with flowers? I'm not American, you have me intrigued.


Video games but the TV is down stairs that I can use and I can't do stairs. So I try to just keep studying, and play on my phone and if I need to get out the wife drives (can't cause my feet don't feel anything but pain).

I meant in relation to the white bedsheets certain racist groups wear. Also I tend to wear scarves like a niqab despite being so white paper looks dark compared to me and I'm not of a religious faith that wears one. It keeps.my face from burning.

The wife has lovingly nicknamed me her vampire lol.

I like my space as well. They come into our room when we aren't home and it drives me crazy. I'm an only child, until I aquired step-monsters. I mean siblings and I had a strict "you go in my room and you will die" (not really) rule. I need to have one safe space.

MIL will come in and grab laundry and do it. And OMG no, just no. Don't touch my panties don't touch my sheets. Don't touch my stuff just no. I share when I want to.

Edited: working on a therapist, currently don't have one. Costs money that is precious to save for moving. I practice mindfulness a d breathing from when I went to therapy for my PTSD. But sometimes the demon comes out to play and she's a real jerk
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Pancake » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:06 pm

sometimes the demon comes out to play and she's a real jerk

I don't really blame her right now, tbh... I hope things move for you swiftly.
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:20 pm

Thank you pancake. Your name.makes me.want pancakes. Darn you :lol:
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

by Pancake » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:23 pm

Pancake flat!

Sorry. I love the foods :D
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by Moodylessa » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:26 pm

I'm hungry right now, but we can't cook cause it's too late. So waiting on in law's to go to sleep so Ky can make me like toast or something without questions. Also so I can eat in the room they are mad at me so I can't eat in the room. Because I'm not trying hard enough to get better and cure my Lupus. But it hurts to walk out to the kitchen to eat. Wife won't allow a hunger strike. I get to hangry lol
Ballad of Serenity
"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't coming back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me
"
-Joss Whedon
Moodylessa
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada


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